Dealing With Guilt When You Caused Your Pet’s Death

If you accidentally hurt your dog or cat – or you had to put your pet down – these ways to deal with guilt for causing your pet’s death will help you cope.

feel guilty caused pets death

When Your Pet Dies

When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering and Healing by Alan D. Wolfelt is a guide for pet owners who are struggling with grief when their pet dies. This book will help you understand why your feelings are so overwhelming, and help you cope with the guilt you feel about your pet’s death. The topics discussed include practical suggestions for grieving, ideas for remembering and memorializing one’s pet, understanding the many emotions experienced after the death of a pet, understanding why grief for pets is unique, pet funerals and burial or cremation, celebrating and remembering the life of one’s pet, coping with feelings about euthanasia (and guilt about putting an animal to sleep), helping children understand the death of their pet, and things to keep in mind before getting another pet.

These tips are inspired by a reader who shared his guilty feelings about putting his dog to sleep. Saying good-bye to your beloved dog or cat is heartbreaking – and it’s even worse if you feel guilty about your pet’s death. I hope these tips help. “If there is a heaven, it’s certain our animals are to be there,” says Pam Brown. “Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them.”

4 Ways to Deal With the Guilt of a Pet’s Death

Some people accidentally cause their dog or cat’s death by accidentally leaving them in harm’s way. The most important thing to remember is that you did NOT purposely cause your pet’s death. Dealing with guilt may be a bit lighter if you know you would’ve acted differently if you had the chance. If your actions led to your pet’s death, you have to keep reminding yourself that you did not deliberately harm your dog or cat. It was an accident, and you would have done things differently if you had know what would happen.

Dealing With Guilt When You Caused Your Pet’s Death

If you’re struggling with grief and guilty feelings because of the circumstances surrounding your dog or cat’s death, read Letting Go of an Animal You Love: 75 Ways to Survive Pet Loss. I interviewed veterinarians, grief counselors, and pet experts for the best ways to survive the death of a beloved dog or cat, and I included stories from real pet owners who coped with guilt and grief in sometimes surprising ways.

Identify “imagined” guilt about the loss of your dog or cat. Not recognizing that your Yorkie, cockapoo, or Siamese cat was ill doesn’t mean that you weren’t paying attention or taking good care of him or her! This is imagined guilt. Animals can’t always communicate their physical health; pet owners can’t see inside their bodies and brains.

Another type of “imagined” guilt is if you’ve accidentally caused your pet’s death by letting him out, keeping him in, or losing track of his whereabouts. If you did not deliberately set out to harm your pet, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. I know this is easier said than done – and it takes effort to forgive yourself.

If you’re dealing with imagined guilt because of your pet’s death, remember that sometimes illness or disease overcomes our dogs, cats, and other beloved pets…and there’s nothing we can do. This loss of control is a very painful — but real — part of life.

I recently wrote How to Forgive Yourself for Not Protecting Your Dog, to help you deal with the guilt you feel. Please take a moment to read it — it’s the comments on this article that inspired me to write it.

Remember that it’s normal to feel guilty when your dog or cat dies. Whether your guilt is real or imagined, know that it is a normal grief reaction. Even the most “innocent” pet owners feel guilt over a pet’s death. For instance, I now cringe when I recall how angry I was at my beloved cat, Zoey, for scratching the basement door (I didn’t realize the door to her litter box was shut tight, and she couldn’t get in). That was over 12 years ago, and I still feel guilty! Healing after you had to put your pet down often requires forgiving yourself.

dealing with guilt pet deathGoodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet is the number one bestselling book on pet loss and grief on Amazon. I love the book because it offers both heartwarming stories and practical guidance on grieving the loss of a pet. It’ll help you deal with guilt when you caused your pet’s death.

Identify “real” guilt about your pet’s death. Real guilt may spring from your feelings that you neglected your dog or cat’s annual vaccinations, daily food intake, exercise habits, and “quality time” with you. If you’re struggling with real guilt, remember that you had reasons for doing what you did. The stress of money, work, kids, marriage, and daily life may have taken precedence over how you treated your pet. Maybe you didn’t make the best choices.

guilt over dog cat death

“Dealing With Guilt When You Caused Your Pet’s Death” image by Laurie

Healing after your pet’s death involves accepting that you wish you would’ve done things differently — and talking this through with your family, friends, or loved ones.

Remember what you did right — because you did a lot right. Your dog or cat loved you beyond all reason – so you must have done something right. How did you love and take care of your pet? Balance your real guilt with the real ways you loved your pet. You took good care of your dog or cat in many ways; don’t wave that away.

Dealing with guilt when you caused your pet’s death isn’t just about grieving; it’s about cherishing the best parts of your life with your dog or cat.

Do you feel like you caused your dog or cat’s death? I encourage you to share your experience below. Talking and writing about it is healthier than ignoring it, and can help you process your grief.

90 comments On Dealing With Guilt When You Caused Your Pet’s Death

  • Hello, This is my first time on this site. I lost my beloved cat Bubba 4 months ago, and i am struggling with both imagined and real guilty. He was only 11 when he passed, I got him from the shelter when he was 12 weeks old, he was like my child, i loved him so much. We spent most his life always together, he would go to work with me sometimes. But I guess I got busy with life his last 2 years and money was tight and i wasnt able to afford flea treatment which led to skin problem from the fleas saliva, he lost so much weight and his hair was falling out from him pulling it out poor baby. I thought I knew more than i did on caring for him. I feel terrible that I didnt have the money to have him cured, I did take him to a vet that i had never been to because i moved to another city, I spent all the money i had, only $700 to the vet and he never got better, he was given a shot of Convenia and he slowly deteriorated. I wish I could have known whether he was suffering but he was such a good boy and acted fairly normal, he jus looked terrible but i loved him anyways. I always was told if a animal is sick, they wont eat or drink, but he still did, so thats why i thought he wasnt that bad health wise, apparently I was wrong. I feel so guilty and cry everyday. And to top it off I didnt make the right choice in his burial and i have regret for how I handled it, he deserved so much more than what i did, I was so emotional and confused by what people around me were saying and dealing with this loss, I wasnt thinking clearly and I am having a hard time accepting the way things were handled. I want to believe that he forgives me and still loves his mama. I truely hope the rainbow bridge is real and that when the day comes for me to leave this earth that whether a person or pet is cremated or buried; that it doesnt matter; that we will still meet them when we cross over and will be together again in Heaven.

    • Hello Rebecca,
      Thanks for your post.
      It’s so sad for me to hear this kind of stories. But we have nothing but to deal with it. In my personal opinion & hope – there is definitely a place where we can meet our loved pets. Don’t blame yourself, according to your financial situation u’ve done the most. Circumstances were not the best one’s so don’t blame yourself, you’ve done it the way you can. You tried, believe me or not, may people wouldn’t even try. So it’s good thing in you, kind and loving side of you for your kitty.

    • Hello. Im struggling with the loss of my kitty Toby. I neglected to take him to the vet and he got so sick he had to be put down. I love Toby more than anything and I’m dealing with guilt of not taking him in until it was too late. His birthday is tomorrow and I’m so heartbroken he won’t be here yup celebrate it. I feel tremendously horrible that I didn’t take him in knowing he was sick. I had him for 8 years. Im struggling with the fact of whether or not ghee forgives me for what I did. I sleep with his ashes every night to have him close. I ordered an urn for his ashes too. I hope he went peacefully and forgives me. I gave him a good life and he was happy. Now it’s time for me to heal

  • I sincerely hope this helps my grieving process. We had a female pitbull, Skylar, who passed in October 2013, one week before her 6th birthday. Skylar had TPLO surgery in January of 2013, a tooth that was removed, and then topped it off with a broken blood vessel in her ear in the spring. As the summer of 2013 began, she was finally over all of this and seemed to be recovering. She was still sweeping the leg that had surgery, so we thought this was just a part of the recovery process for her. As the summer went on, she started to get skinnier even though she was eating. We figured it was because of her leg and lack of exercise. We walked her as much as we could, have a big yard, and made sure she ate regularly, but she still lost weight. We took her to the vet that did the TPLO surgery and he took blood and urine, all came back ok. What he didn’t check was her stool… As the summer turned into the fall, pain killers and Xanax were prescribed to try to help. In October, she seemed to be delirious and out of it. We still thought it was her leg bothering her…..The Monday morning she passed, she had an episode, she hadn’t had any pain meds, but I gave her a low dose Xanax. She seemed to relax and I thought she would rest until I got home from work and we could take her in for another evaluation. As my partner laid down with her, I took a shower — when I got out, not 10 minutes later, she was gone. My partner had fallen asleep next to her with his hand on her body, so I take a small amount of comfort in her knowing we were here. Even though I’ve never done it, the vet offered an autopsy and I was willing just to find out what happened to my girl…no results………no cancer, no tumors, leg surgery was fine, no infection, nothing…… answers… My brain, and all my armchair detective work, tell me it was worms or a parasitic infection that we should’ve realized or the vet should’ve realized. My heart tells me if we would’ve just done the fecal sample, the cause would’ve been found in the summer and she’d still be with us. I’ve had so many dogs in my lifetime and loved them all to the fullest, but this is the one I just can’t seem to get over. Reading the other posts here showed me that others go through it too — some know what happened, some don’t, but we all hurt..I appreciate everyone sharing because even though we’re still in pain I hope these posts help others to understand they’re not alone in their grief and we’re all still getting through each day. I will get another female dog; I just don’t know when, but I know I will. We have two other male dogs in the house and I’m trying to get this grief out by giving them as much love as possible. I hope and I pray and I wait —- pleading to get to spend eternity with her when I get there too 🙂 Thank you everyone for reading, sharing and proving we can only move forward… Steve

    • I watched the video of your sweet girl. So beautiful I’m in tears. You loved her so much that is clear. Please don’t be hard on yourself, she knew you loved her. They always do.

  • My grief over the loss of a pet is bringing up any and all guilt I’ve ever had about all the others

    Our loving, beautiful 4 year old cat Coconut was a stray kitten and we adopted him and his sister who were flea infested and covered with urine. He became large and strong and gorgeous with glossy fur, smooth fur, but that changed over time. He passed away the day before yesterday on July 4, after emergency room care and overnight hospitalization. He was only four. He had an obtructed urethra, a bladder the size of a grapefruit and was hemorraging, his temperature dropped and his blood pressure never came back to normal. He vomited bile and lost too much blood to survive. He had been losing hair, and his body was bloating over the past maybe year and a half and he had a horrible rash around his anus about 2 months ago. I brought him to two different vets at the same practice, 3 1/2 months ago and again 6 weeks ago, and of course, to an emergency clinic a few days ago. The two vets found nothing. He had lost hair on his rear legs, his stomach and on his bottom. The first said, although he couldn’t find a single flea on him, that one may have jumped on and off causing an allergic reaction. When I questioned that, he gave me a prescription for anti anxiety meds for him saying he might just be over grooming himself. They both said he was overweight, which was true because he never left my room, but he was also bloated. Now I realize they found nothing wrong because they ran no tests, did not palpatate his abdomen and didn’t ask many questions at all. The second vet is a feline specialist. How is that possible? I had no idea that male cats could get UTI or have blockage. I should have been beter educated. I should have had a fountain for him.

    It was the 3rd of July and idiots were shooting off fireworks. His whole body was rigid and twitching because of the deafening blasts, he threw up and was growling. The night before we brought him to the emergency clinic he went down the stairs, practically falling the whole way and walked, or actually hobbled off into the night. I’m sure he was heading off to die in peace but I followed him, sat with him then brought him back inside. I held him all night like a baby but he he was cold the next day. Now I think that was cruel. He could have died before enduring all the pain to come. My daughter found him in his litter box dripping blood. I scooped him up to bring him to the vet but couldn’t find my keys for 20 minutes or so. The towels I wrapped him in were filled with blood. It was the 4th so we went to an emergency clinic, they took him in right away that morning. By 5pm the vet came in and discussed our options. He was heavily sedated and I sat with him and looked into his eyes for a long time, they would dilate when I got closer. They had him wrapped in an inflatable blanket with warm air flowing through it. I covered him with my hair, had my face an inch or two from his and told him I loved him. Against all reason he somehow stretched out his paw toward me. I thought he could make it. The vet said he was very sick, but we all decided to give him another chance and hospitalized him overnight, with dnr and assist instructions, “do not resessitate and assist with euthanasia”. So he went alone and afraid into a horrible sterile environment with a catheter and an IV in his body. The next day the vet called and said he was doing better and had sat up. I didn’t go see him immediately. I called and the staff said to wait it was too busy. By the time I went later that afternoon they wouldn’t let me in. He was no longer stable. They said his only chance was finding a donor cat and giving him a total blood transfusion. Even that was a long shot, (and what about the other cat!)

    I am devastated. I loved him so much. I feel I made his life miserable. He should have been my only pet.

    When we brought him home we had Bubba, a 14ish year old lab/rottweiler mix, who lived outside for the most part. Bubba had the best disposition and passed away at about 15, 3 years ago when Coco was one. Bubba had been a gorgeous, jet black stray who had stage 5 heartworm when we found him. We had him treated and he was well, but he had stage 2 again, seizures, arthritis, swelling towards the end. Bubba had lived inside for a couple of years after he came to live with us but always wanted to be outside. When we moved closer to the coast we let him stay in the garage but took him out on the boat a lot and to parks. I brought him inside for the last few months and that seemed to destroy his spirit. We live on pilings near the water and the steps are hard on dogs. Our two year old pup, Halo plops down on our sofas in the AC all the time. Now I wish I had Bubba inside with us all the time and am still a wreck about that. Coco really identiified with Bubba and acted for all the world like a dog. He I got much closer after the horrific loss of Bubba, who was to old for successful heartworm treatment and had to be euthanized, which we had done in our living room. I still have trouble walking by there and have curled up in that spot thinking of him. We got another puppy, Halo a year later when Coco was 2. I feel guilty about getting Halo because it took away from my relationship with Coco, but we got another puppy, Hunter last month for our daughter. Coconut “ran away” from home last month for two days when Hunter came home. He was scared of Hunter, an exhuberant, energetic labradoodle, with big paws and sharp puppy teeth. I should have had him in the pen and carried Coco through the living room.

    About 9 months ago Coco was attacked by a hawk or bald eagle. He had talon marks around his neck but didn’t appear to be injured otherwise. They healed but he was never the same. He was scared to leave my room. The new dogs scared him too and he stayed in our bedroom sleeping above my shoulder near my head at night and generally slept in the closet all day. But maybe that was lethargy and depression because of kidney problems. I fed him separately and would close the door so the dogs would leave him alone. Occasionally they got in and probably drank his water, I am not sure I kept it filled all the time. I am horrified that he may not have had enough water and that his death is all my fault. I put water in his food but he sometimes could not void his bladder. I didn’t know that was a huge red flag. He had a few drops blood in his urine a couple of months ago, after I brought him to the vet, but I read about it and attributed it to stress.

    His death is bringin back guilt from when my cat Tiger contracted leukemia, went through chemo was euthanized. The vet did it roughly in front of me and I can still barely think about it. My cat Nutmeg never came home at 17, but I had put her outside that night. My pet rabbit, guinea pigs, fish, parakeets and family dog died. I can’t take it. I’ve been told that it is better to have loved than never to have loved at all. I’m not sure about that. All this grief is making me rexamine my interpersonal relationships and cherish every moment. I think I am the one who needs anti anxiety meds- I might take Coco’s.

    • Awww your story about Coconut was beautiful and I am so sad. Please don’t think that you made coco miserable, that kitty loved you and felt comfort with you. Yes it sure hurts to lose them but i can’t imagine not having them in our lives. Hugs

    • I am so sad to hear about your kitty I am understanding how guilty you feel six years ago this beautiful orange tabby appeared at my door we fed her and played with her outside she was afraid to come close after a few weeks she just stayed and never left we took her to the vet and had her checked out and got all her shots after that she became our outdoor kitty we tried to bring her in but she was not happy. I was always anxious about her outside we created perches for her we put up rope lights on our porches and kept the garage open enough for her with the light on as she was afraid of dark. Spent lots of time with her outside played with her . She and I had this thing she would lay in driveway and I would pet her full handed and rub her belly she loved it then she would get treats . Over the years she was known to the whole neiborhood and watched out for. I came home the other day we had our pet and treats I was leaving for work and she was in the chair on porch I gave her a few treats what I did not see was she must have wanted more petting and she laid down behind my car where I could not see her . This is very hard for me to write but I back over her and killed her. It was over in seconds I got to her just in time to be with her. I was always worried about her and the car she was not afraid of it but for it to be me I feel so heartbroken I could not even make it to work . I don’t have children so my animals are my kids. You can’t imagine how I feel I am devastated keep trying to understand how this happened I was so careful with her. Everyday in the morning I would have to coax her with treats from behind my car. I just can’t forgive myself I can’t understand how or why she did not move. I love my mama cat as that is what we called her and will be grieving for some time

  • I used nitromours to take paint off doors upstairs. I opened all the windows and kept the door shut dodnstairs where my dogs were. I knew it could cause health problems but unaware it could cause such terrible ones and cancer and thought there would be no harm to them as they were not in direct contact. They both developed cancer 6 months later, one has just died last week. I am searching for reasons to blame myself and now think this may be the cause after researching it. I can’t believe something so dangerous could be on the market for home DIY projects. Had I have known I would never have used it. I am struggling to come to terms with the fact I could have caused her death.

  • Today I lost my new hamster. He didn’t even have a name yet, but my sister and I loved him. I remembered my friend would bring her hamster outside, so I thought it would be fun to do the same. But then, it happened. My dog (who didn’t mean any real harm) ran at the hamster. I had him at my hands, and he squeezed out in fear. I tried my best to catch him, but he ran into a bush. I then spent 3 hours searching for him. But he was gone. If I hadn’t taken him out he would still be here. And my sister also has to deal with the loss, and I feel so at fault. But I just need to accept that it was an accident, and I couldn’t control what had happened in the moment.

  • Well my dog was sick and not like others I had 3 day chance to help but the first day I took it not as serious but the second I saw it was bleeding even more from the vagina.It was bleeding dark red blood and today morning its dead but I asked my mom if we could take it to doctor she said its too far and we found a small puppy dead where it sleeps

  • Today we lost our cockatiel. My husband had him from before we ever met. Tweety was close to 25 years old. My son and were in my bedroom where we kept tweety and it was a beautiful fall day so I opened the bedroom windows and his cage door because he liked to sit in the door and look outside. He could not fly anymore. We left the house for less than an hour and when we left my husband was going to close the door but also thought it was a nice day and let Tweety enjoy it. We came back and he had left the cage which he never did and fell and broke his neck. My husband saw him Just as he died. If I hadn’t opened the cage or if we had closed it before we left, my husband’s best friend would still be here.

    • I’m crying for you! I feel your pain. We have to understand it was an accident and not intentional. We loved our cockatiels and they knew it too. I just posted about still upset

      • We lost our Izzy. She was a rescue. 14-15 a bad rear leg and was suffering from doggy Alzheimer’s she was beginning to lose control of her bowls. She absolutely adored my wife (whose mother is in late stages of Alzheimer’s) I put her outside and she fell in the pool and drowned. The wails and hurt in my 16 year olds eyes the hurt and ache my Wife feels…ill never forget.

    • I feel your pain. I had a beautiful love bird that someone gave me in Sept. He lived at my mom’s house with 3 other cages of birds. Somehow Saturday I cleaned the cages but didn’t put his food bowl back. I was busy in Christmas concerts and doing homework at my house Sunday. When I checked on the birds Monday evening he was dead on the bottom of the cage. He was the only touchable bird and except for those two days I played and cuddled with him every day. I hate myself and am heart broken. 🙁

  • Thanks for all this information. I didn’t cause my little buddy Poco’s death but I did. We got him from a rescue when he was 4 or 5. We had him for nearly 11 years. He was an incredible loving and loyal dog. He literally changed many peoples opinion of the Chihuahua breed. They couldn’t believe how affectionate he was. He developed a heart murmur, and an enlarged heart. He was having seizures and getting fluid on his lungs. I know that putting him down was the right thing to do as I know he was suffering. However, the day we took him to the vet, last Wednesday, he was having a good day. I cannot get it out of my head that he was getting better. I know he wouldn’t. I just can’t let go of the guilt. I feel embarrassed that I am so emotional about a 6 lb dog but he was my bud. Your tips and suggestions help a lot. Thank you.

    • Many times pets get better for a few days before they die or take a turn for the worse. They appear better but they are struggling in pain to please you. Have comfort to know that you prevented a lot of suffering he surely would have had in the coming weeks. He led a good, full life thanks to you.

  • I have 5 cats of my own, I’ve rescued each one from being outside on their own. I’ve always had a soft spot for cats. My father was feeding a group of outdoor cats in a trailer lark across from our apartment. Long after we moved out he continued to drive there every night to feed them. He was hit by a drunk driver and so I had to take care of everything he was doing. Every night a small cat would come right up to my car door when I pulled up. She was extremely skinny, just skin and bones. I only went there a few more nights before I caved and brought her home. It was the middle of summer, where I live 115f in the day and 90f+ at night. I was worried she wouldn’t survive.

    She was so skinny and I had no idea why, I assumed she may have something contagious. I kept her in my bathroom away from my other cats. I spent an hour a day sitting with her and spending time with her. Her first vet trip went well, all negative on the snap test. She did not have feline AIDS or leukemia, the big problems of weight loss for stray cats. That was 10 weeks ago. I kept telling my self I would take her to get a full blood panel and medication to help her. Not putting on weight after 2 months I knew she was not just malnourished, something was wrong. I had to move from my apartment to another one, and was very stressed out by this. It’s 350 per pet and I have 6 of them, even though you’re only aloud to pay for and have 2.

    I put all my cats in carriers and brought them to the new apartment. I put them in the bedrooms and her in the bathroom. Put down there litter boxes and continued to race around trying to move for the next day and a half. I realized I didn’t leave down dry food or water, and hadn’t fed them wet food for 2 days. I completely passed out on my couch after the move. I woke up this morning and went to feed her. She was laying on the floor and would not get up. I knew that she was doing bad. She always greets me when I open the door with an extremely long meow. I picked her up and held her close. She was completely limp and breathing through her mouth. I put her in a carrier and drove straight to the vet.

    The tech comes out 20 seconds after bringing her in the back and asks if I want her resesitated if she flat lines. I told her to please just do what they could. The doctor came in and said she was extremely sick and could pass any moment. He quoted $600-$1000 to start treatment right then. I told him to do everything he could. They said they would call within a few hours. They did, she had passed away. They ran tests before that, and told me she had a thyroid tumor, failing kidneys and liver. I killed this sweet little girl because I was stupid enough to think they would be okay without food or water for a day. I never intended to fall asleep for 12 hours. I’m heart broken and feel sick to my stomach. She waited there crying for me all day and night, for something that takes all of 30 seconds to do. He said any cat could survive days without water and longer without food, but she was extremely sick to begin with. I’m beating myself up over leaving her in there with no water, and also not taking her to the vet to get treatment sooner. I don’t know what I was thinking. I can’t believe this happened. I love you mamas, you will always be in my heart

    • I am going through something similar
      Where it would have only taken me 30 seconds to feed my bird something soft But by the time I realized she couldn’t eat regular foods -it was too late -Now I feel beyond sick about it
      I can hardly eat now
      But I think if they are in heaven, They know it wasn’t intentional
      & just hope they forgive us in heaven

  • Maia had seizures. She was taking medications everyday. The day before I noticed that my second pet was eating her food in the morning so she didn’t get the right dosage she should’ve. That morning she had 2 seizures, I wasn’t really worried because they were extremely short and I thought she would be fine. She was acting really strange that morning, didn’t want me to leave the house. We always leave the doggie door open in case they want to go outside. That day she drowned in the pool. I can’t stop feeling guilty. I should’ve take her to the vet. I should’ve stay home. I should’ve close the doggie door. I should’ve been here for her. She is dead and it is my fault! I cannot cope with it. I can’t stop crying and repeating to myself “why I didn’t stay? Why I didn’t take her to the vet? Why I didn’t close the doggie door?” I feel so guilty and so sad! I would give everything I have to go back in time. Maia was everything to me, I don’t have any family or friend here she was the only one I cared for and I failed her. I don’t even want to move on. I want to feel this pain and guilt for the rest of my life because I don’t deserve any happiness without her and for what I did.

    • I know the feeling!!! My loss happened 2 days ago. My little bird – somehow I didn’t get food back in his cage when I cleaned it. I feel terrible and wonder how long he suffered. I hate myself. I had 4 bird cages and the other 3 all got their food. I don’t know how to move on either. Especially if the lady who gave him to me asks about him in the future. 🙁

  • I had the most beautiful toy poodle, her name was Pelusa, she was 16 years old, white coated, tiny face. I lovedthat dog the way I don’t even love my family. She had a small cough and used to do weird noises, but I thought it was normal cause her age. She looked healthy, playfull, full appetite so I didn’t took her to the vet. One morning she woke up being death, next to me. I can’t believe It, i feel it’s my fault, I forgotte to fed her night meal the morning of her death, I can’t forgive me, I hit my self, I hate my self, I feel I killed her, I don’t even know what she died from, she looked fine, I didn’t deserve her. It’s the worst pain I ever have fell, I just keep thinking if I had took her to the vet, if I had gave her meds or a cirgury for whatever she had, If I had gave her other food, maybe she will still be with me, I kill my dog by not taking her to the vet, it’s really hard, she was my soulmate, I miss her every second, I can’t stop feeling guilty, please help. Thank you.

  • I know how you feel. I did the same thing. At least your pet had 16 good years. Mine was just a young bird. I don’t know how to get through the pain. I keep running the “what if” scenarios in my mind every day. I guess this is why God didn’t give me human children. I pray for you.

    • I feel the same as you Kendra. God didn’t give me human children either and I wonder if it’s because I can’t look after a budgie. I had had a bad cold last week so not sure if I was thinking right and my budgie had been sick with a respiratory infection. I’d been giving him antibiotics every day for the past 5 weeks to help him get better. A couple days ago I got home and he was dead in the bottom of his cage. I saw there was a lot of chaff in his food container. Now I’m wondering if I remembered to feed him. I had another bird in the same cage as him but he’s fine. When I went to buy a new budgie yesterday the breeder said sometimes budgies can choke on chaff. Now I wonder if he was too sick to find the food and ended up eating chaff because he was so hungry. I can’t remember feeding him but wonder if I just fed him on auto-pilot, or if I didn’t feed him because I was distracted by giving him antibiotics. I wish I had a camera filming me for the last few days so I would know. It’s tearing me up and I feel so awful that his little friend is missing him so much. I wish he would fly into the room and everything would be okay again. I felt guilty after all my miscarriages and now the guilt has come back again.

    • I’m dying inside my heart is broken to million pieces. My beloved baby Scooby 16 years old and 10 months bestie died on Sunday. Poor baby had a stroke and Vet told us he will get better in a few days or his health will decline. My love died a day later and I feel so guilty that I was not able to help him the way I should since I can’t walk without a walker for 6 weeks. I think my Scooby was sad and lonely that I was not able to hold him or walk with him and he just had a stroke from the stress of not being with me. I love him more than anything and now I miss him so much. I’m stuck in bed for few more weeks and I can’t hear my baby walk, make noise or I can’t feel him cuddling to me. I’m so upset I still don’t understand how would I loose my best friend so fast. It hurts so much. I love you Scooby and miss you so much. My chill boy, my sweet babe my soft, fur ball. I love you

  • Miss Kitty was a rescue we adopted for our horse barn. When we had to move barns she obviously went with us. She was attacked and injured by a cat at the new farm. I took her home immediately and she seemed ok. 2 weeks later she was sickly and skinny. I was holding her waiting to go to the vet in the am when i found a swelling on her butt. After clipping the hair i found an abcess. By morning the abcess had popped and i started giving her antibiotics. She was great. Gained weight, played, snuggled. Was miss kitty again. Fast forward a month…. i am woken this monday morning by her flopping down on my pillow. She collapsed. We took her to the clinic and found her abdomen was full of fluid…. bacteria packed fluid from the abcess over a month ago. 4 hours and 1900 later i had to put my poor 2 year old snuggly baby girl to sleep. She seized in my arms in the clinic. In full sepsis, nothing they could do that would save her in the time she had left. I cannot get over the guilt of knowing i had antibiotics in the fridge still. If i had only known she was sick i could have helped her. I had no clue until the end. I cant stop crying. If i hadnt taken her to a strange barn she wouldnt have been attacked. If i had given her meds for a few extra days because there was still some left she might not have gotten sick again.

  • I have owned many pets in my lifetime, but I have never had an experience like this one when I had my dearly beloved Finney put to sleep yesterday. Finney was a large (and long) 15-year old orange tabby cat with the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen in a cat. He was smart as a whip, with such an intelligent look that sometimes was mesmerizing because it suggested he understood far more than cats are supposed to know. He was affectionate and loved to hug and nibble on ear lobes and whenever you went to bed at night or took a nap somewhere, when you woke up somehow Finney would always be there right beside you or at your feet. Often he would greet me when I came home from work. He was as much dog as he was cat.

    He was fastidious about his cleanliness. He would scoop his water and his food with his paws. For some reason he chose to eat that way, so he wanted to make sure his paws were always as clean as possible. After using his litterbox, he would go to the toilet not to drink but to wash his paws in the toilet bowl before eating.

    He owned every room in the house and whenever you walked into a room where he was he was always sleeping in the most comfortable place with a look of utter satisfaction on his face.

    He was more than my cat. He was a dear friend from the time I rescued him and his sister from a pet shelter. We got him for my 8-year old son because my wife is disabled and felt she couldn’t give him all the attention she wanted to give, so we got Finney to be a companion to our son. In some respects, he became like a second son to me. I came to love him dearly.

    This post is about guilt, however, and that is what I have because I had to put my beloved Finney to sleep yesterday. Vets will say he died of end stage renal cancer. That may be true, but my guilt is that I feel like I let him down the last few months and/or weeks of his life. I feel like I brought him to the vet too late, after he was already crashing with horrific kidney levels that needed emergency IV treatment. His kidney levels were off the charts high. We took him to a clinic that specializes in cats alone (one of two we took Finney to in his final weeks). Finney hated vets and every time I took him to a vet with symptoms like he was showing just before his crash, there would always be numerous tests and nothing was ever found or done for him. Finney always recovered and got on with life. This time, however, he didn’t.

    He responded to the IV treatments but they had to stop because his heart was filling with fluids. They discharged him and told us to come back in a week to meet with the cardiologist. During that time Finney stopped eating. We went back to the ER and they put a feeding tube in him. They gave him special critical nutrition and aluminum hydroxide because his phosphorus levels were so high. Over the next week, we tried to follow the schedule of feeding and aluminum hydroxide intake. We gave Finney bowls of fresh water everywhere as he was still drinking and we tried to give him some fluids through the feeding tube, too, but in the end it did not seem to be enough. We took him to two different vets, including a clinic that specializes in cats only. Both suggested that we should put him to sleep. They never discussed anything else with us, not even palliative care or hospice care or medications that might help to ease his discomfort. At home he was getting weaker and weaker. He could barely walk, probably because of potassium or phosphorus buildup. He appeared dehydrated in spite of our efforts. He had lost so much weight and ee couldn’t pass his stool as much as he tried. It was heartbreaking beyond words to see my Finney like that.

    And so, eventually, he reached a place where we as a family could not stand to see him suffer any longer and we arranged for him to be put to sleep in our home.

    That was yesterday and since then I have been overwhelmed by my grief and guilt that I didn’t do more for him. I was ignorant and fearful and didn’t take the steps necessary to save or at least extend his life. I keep telling myself that I put him to sleep too soon or too late or maybe I shouldn’t have put him to sleep at all, that maybe we could have done something more to help him make an unexpected recovery because he had always been such a remarkable cat. God, why didn’t I at least try in spite of what all the vets were indicating. He was my friend and he trusted his life to me. I owed at least that to him. Instead I and my family “lovingly” watched him waste away before we said enough is enough and we let him go. We spent thousands on him in those last two weeks trying to find help but we didn’t care about the costs. In then end, it was all too little too late and the kind of help we needed just wasn’t there.

    I am a grown man in my sixties, a professional who has his head together. Yet, I have spent the last two days crying for Finney and screaming the agony of my loss and my sense of guilt in my car over what I did or did not do for Finney. I never expected to feel so strongly about the loss of a pet, but Finney truly was special and I wasn’t there for him in the way I should have been in his final days. I wasn’t smart enough. I wasn’t aggressive enough. I didn’t have enough common sense or basic understanding to do some simple thing that would have changed everything. I was too stupid, too obtuse, too selfish, too fearful, etc., etc., etc. That’s how I feel. I am a Christian and I know God will comfort my loss in time and He has already forgiven my guilt, but I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive myself for what I have done or rather what I didn’t do. I am old enough now where I will take it to my grave, I think, unless I learn to turn my guilt over to God completely.

    I don’t necessarily believe in the Rainbow Bridge, but as a Christian I do believe that God is a loving God who cares for all of His creatures. The Bible says that there is not a single sparrow that falls to the ground without God’s knowledge and care. And Scripture is clear that there will be animals in heaven and they will be happy and content just as people are. The question is, “Will Finney be there, too, or will all the animals be new?” Will God bring him back in the same way He raises up again all who believe in Him? I doubt that Finney believed in God, but all God’s creatures, including man (and Finney), have an innate understanding of Him. Perhaps while man needs to be redeemed because of his sin, for animals all that is necessary is to be part of creation. Perhaps that is what the apostle Paul was alluding to in Romans 8:19-21. Scripture doesn’t say what happens to our pets after they die, but certainly the clear teaching of the Bible about the nature and character of God leaves the door open that animals who have been dear to us in this life may also see the next life, too. We can always hope that the Rainbow Bridge is real in some sense or other because with God, all things are possible. That thought helps me with my sense of loss, although not yet with my sense of guilt. Somehow I don’t feel I will ever completely lose my sense of guilt unless or until I see Finney again some day. Perhaps over time that will change, but right now it just hurts too much to think any other way.

    Thank you.

    • It is very hard to put a pet to sleep
      I think you are being way too hard on yourself
      You are stronger than you think because you did what you did for his sake
      I think Finney was blessed to have you as a loving owner to help end his inevitable suffering
      with renal cancer (not good)
      It is natural to feel how you feel
      Because you loved him so much
      God bless!

    • I’m also a believer, and the way you feel and reason I can relate to when my pet rat and bearded dragon died, esp. the agonizing question of whether I will see them in heaven..etc. To me it sounds like you absolutely adored Finney and he brought much joy to your life. It’s okay to reminisce on the good times and grieve how much you will miss him. Whether he will be in heaven or not, you will not see him again in this life. I feel like your guilt is because you don’t want to let yourself fully feel the pain of the sadness and accept the loss. But trust me, you will feel better if you allow yourself to grieve and feel that incredible sadness than to be tormented by what you could’ve controlled. You’re not God, have a little more humility to see that only He knows everyone’s needs perfectly, and only He can love perfectly. We all need the cross.

  • My two pet guineapigs, Maggie and May. I remember taking them inside to cool off since it was a hot day. I gave them some food while I watched some TV. Once I was done I put them back outside but not in their cage, I have fences around the cage and I put them outside of it not knowing that the cage door was closed since I always have it open so that they couldn’t of gotten in. I went to bed and the next morning I went to school and did that. When I came back from school I sat in my dads car since he was picking me up and he said “ I have some bad news” I said “what”? “Your guineapigs got taken by a Fox last night”. I sat there and just broke down crying and I still am. I feel terrible knowing that I will have to live my life knowing that I killed two innocent animals who were defenceless against any predator.

  • My belove Panda, I lost her on 12 Feb 2018, at 4:00 am. I always leave her with same vet while I am gone away, and every time vet will text me to do the test on her when they consider to.
    But this time, I notice that her vet go away for USA at the same time, thing much be different, I should tell them to have her check blood test to monitor her conditions. because she have a long medication with them and very old, we can look her from symptom. cause it will get too late for old dog.
    I only tell them she has red blood 23 which is normal for her cause she have kidney failure from test, but she live normal Anyway we still need that from different kind of taking care of old dog.
    my heart said to them have a blood test, but my mind stop doing it , when I leave her.
    but I still have chance to text them 3 days after before she pass away on 4th day.
    but I didn’t do it. when vet text me that she gone, I know suddenly it my fault. If I tell them,. blood will tell them what she need before her time, so they can do something more than this
    then she can wait for 14 hours to meet me alive. I spend supplement and medication on her 1,000 USD, each month very long time to keep her healthy. I have her with me all the time, sleep on my chest if she feeling uncomfortable
    I always beside her.

    I do need help very much

  • If anyone’s reading this, NEVER give your cat (and your dog if s/he has kidney problems) Mebendazole even if the vet insists on it. Find a milder and safer medication that doesn’t put that much pressure on the liver and kidneys, ESPECIALLY KIDNEYS.
    I gave my cat her Mebendazole the standard amount unaware at the time that she had kidney problems. The day afterwards we were at the emergency, hospitalizing her. I took my baby’s life by my own hands! I wish my hands were cut off and I never gave her that med. I should’ve researched separately from that piece of **** vet who prescribed it for her before giving her a lab-produced “medication”. I wish I could exchange my kidneys with hers somehow … . She is (yes, as you can see, I still can’t and won’t say ‘was’) my dearest and I’m certain I will never love anyone more than I love her. She’s my sole miracle and everything. I will never forgive myself. I can’t ever forgive myself.

  • I️ had to put my 18 month old puppy down Feb 8, 2018. This is 8 MONTHS after Putting my other 12 year old dog down (I️ feel guilty for her death too but not as strong as my puppy’s death) I️ feel so guilty for his death. He was a beautiful grey and white American bully with grey ticking in the white parts of his coat. He extremely happy and always wanted to cuddle and give kisses. Sat Feb 3, my puppy started throwing up early in the morning. I️ still tried to feed him because he still had an appetite but eventually I️ stopped giving him food or water because he kept throwing up. Later that day he became lethargic and lost his appetite. The next day he didn’t throw up as much so I️ thought he was getting better. Monday I️ called the vet because he would star to shake every now and again. I️ had an appointment, but with a history of going to the vet, just for them to say they don’t know what’s wrong, I️ decided to keep watching him. I️ started to feed him with a turkey blaster but it wasn’t much. Tues morning I bought him in to the vet and they first suspected intestinal obstruction. Lo and behold he had one and it was a corn on the cob. He ate that corn on the cob 4 months prior from leftovers me and my boyfriend had! It’s been stuck in him for 4 MONTHS and yet he showed no signs of an obstruction. He had his lab work come back and his kidney and liver values were very high. We assumed it was was dehydration since he hadn’t eaten in 3 days. My puppy had surgery to remove the corn in the cob and the surgery went well. However after 24 hr of antibiotics my puppy’s lab values didn’t improve. The vet kept him over night and Wed he didn’t get better. Thurs we were told that he had fluid building up in his chest that only started the day before. That thurs afternoon we made the decision to put my puppy down. I️ feel so guilty on many levels. I️ should’ve made sure the trash was picked up so he didn’t eat it. I️ should have bought him to the vet that Sat instead of Tues. I️ shouldn’t have let the vet influence us to euthanize him that same day. I️ should have gotten him a second opinion because it jus didn’t make sense. He should have been back to normal after the obstruction removal. I️ feel he wasn’t ready to die and we just let the vet kill him. I️ am so hurt by this. I️ feel like I️ was a horrible pet parent. Some history: when we first got him at 2 months old, he developed joint issues due to not enough calcium. Being healthy people, we thought giving him chicken, broccoli and rice was enough to give him his vitamins but I️ guess not. Or maybe it was enough . So we switched to giving him raw diet that had supplements added into the raw food. He was doing better, but because of his joints not really strong (and possible his medics he was on), he ended up falling off the bed and hurting his neck, creating a bulge. That was all healed and he seemed to be fine . Then a couple months later his skin was becoming a problem. Itchy, red, hair falling out. Took him to the vet and hey told us environmental allergies and gave us shampoo that made it worse. I️ spoke to a knowledgeable person at the healthy pet shop about diet. We came up that it was all the sugars/carbs he was taking in via the extra supplement and fruit that we would give him every time we would have a smoothie. Cut all that out and changed food to raw with no added supplements. He skins changed drastically! Amazing that the vet didn’t even think of food. However, he still was extremely itchy. He did have 2 ear infections. Towards the last two months of his life, he was throwing up. We assumed t was from not feeding enough so we gave him for food and that helped. Then he started throwing up in the morning before his scheduled time so I️ split his breakfast and that helped. But then he started to throw up in the afternoon so I split his afternoon meal and that worked. Then that Sat he woke up at 4am and threw up. Thinking it was his normal “I’m hungry u need to feed me now” attitude for why he threw up and gave him some food at 7a. He threw it up and started throwing up allll day which leads to the beginning of this story. I️ just don’t understand what went wrong. Was it my fault? Did my puppy have an underlying disease and didn’t know about it? Should I️ have gotten him blood work when we didn’t know what was wrong with his skin for so long? All these questions in my head and in each scenario I️ find myself extremely guilt over his death. I️ feel like a shit pet parent even tho I️ fed him good healthy food, took care of him mentally and anyone who seen him would say he was the best dog ever and he WAS. Never barked, friendly, loved ppl, loved dogs, loved life period !!!!!!!! I️ miss my baby sooooooo much and I’m so sad in not knowing what the heck happened to him.
    Fletcher was an amazing dog. Always happy. Wanted hugs kisses and cuddles. Never showed signs that he was sad. Just hope he knows that we loved him very VERY much and didn’t want him to suffer anymore even if he tried hard as hell to not show us that he was in pain 🙁 Love u baby boy !! Thanks for listening , I️ really needed to get this off my chest. I️ feel like no one else in this world has gone thru what I️ went thru.

  • I live on the main highway and I was going to take my 5 month puppy for a walk with a friend after a couple drinks. His lead was in the back of a Ute and I made the decision that he would be ok not on it till I got it out. Just as I reached for it, I saw him standing on the road and a big truck coming straight for him. I had to watch as he got hit and flung through the air. Somehow he didn’t die instantly, he had to go through 10 mins of pain and passed away just as the vet arrived. He was so beautiful, a red kelpie, I know have to live with this and I took the life of my 4 kids first pet.

  • I let my cat roam outdoors and he loved his life outdoors. One day two dogs found him and killed him in seconds. By the time I got there he was barely breathing. I should have not let him go outside. He was only 4 years old very happy and healthy and we were about to move.

  • I lost my beautiful miniature schnauzer baby Alfie last week. He was just 11 months old, it’s his 1st birthday in a couple of weeks. He somehow managed to get into my greenhouse and eat a packet of weedkiller. He should never have been able to reach it and I still don’t know how he got it. The heartbreaking thing is, it was given to me a few weeks ago and I didn’t use it as I was too scared that it may make our dogs sick. I arrived home from work last Wednesday evening to find him lying on the kitchen floor and not seeming to be aware of anything. He had been sick nearby. Usually I couldn’t get through the door without him pushing through and jumping into my arms. I rushed him straight to the vet and they ran tests, including bloods. He was placed onto a drip & given several injections but having made it through the night, he sadly lost consciousness and stopped breathing at 11am the next morning. I was told that his brain function has ceased. I am absolutely devastated and can’t help but blame myself. Why did I accept the horrible stuff when I didn’t want it? Why didn’t I leave work earlier instead of staying later to finish off stuff? (I have him on cctv at 5.00pm running around completely normal…I arrived home at 17.55pm) Why didn’t I close the greenhouse door completely? Why didn’t I put it in a drawer so that he couldn’t get to it? I just can’t stop crying and going over & over it in my head. I took a video of him just the night before jumping around & playing in the garden, he was so full of life and we had a special connection from when I picked him at just 10 weeks old. I feel it’s all my fault and I’ve failed him.

  • A few days ago, I was spending time over at a friend’s house, and my mom called me. I assumed she just wanted to know where my stuff was, but then she said, “Laura, I have some bad news.” She told me that the family found my beautiful corn snake, Jupiter, lying dead in her cage. It took me a little while to really process it, which is normal for me. Today I noticed that she probably got sick from an unsanitary cage, which caused her death. I feel awful. If I had just decided not to be so lazy, if I would have changed her water and bedding more and cleaned out her cage, she would probably still be alive. My dad would always tell me that I needed to take care of her or she would die, but I never really thought about it much. My sister understands because she lost her bearded dragon, Stubbs, after leaving her outside. She also told me that it wasn’t my fault, I have been depressed lately, and have barely been able to take care of my needs. I still feel responsible for her death; Jupiter was such a sweet snake, and now she’s gone. My family believes that this is a good learning experience for me the because they think I should get another snake. I do enjoy snakes, but I don’t want another innocent animal to die because of my emotional instability. I wasn’t even able to say goodbye to my little baby.

    • I had a similar experience with my pet rat, Merlin. I was incredibly depressed and thought that maybe if I got a pet, I would feel better. This is probably the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life.

      I ended up getting two rats, Merlin and his brother Dwight. I took really good care of them at first, but they were in a tiny cage because I was waiting for approval from my Residence Director to bring in the big cage I had gotten before I even got the rats. As time went on, I got more depressed despite that I thought and didn’t clean their cage as much as I should have. Then I was told that I couldn’t have the big cage in my dorm, which meant that they had to stay in the small miserable one. I could barely take care of myself, let alone these innocent creatures.

      A few months down the line, I had gotten out of work to find out that Merlin had gotten ill and had passed. I was devastated that he had died in terrible conditions and never got a chance to live the happy life I wanted for him. If only he had lived another day, he would have been transferred to a bigger ( not the biggest one, but bigger) cleaner cage that I was planning on buying them. It’s been months since this happened, and I still feel awful. I try telling myself that it wasn’t my fault, but it was. I had plans on becoming a zoologist, but since he died I have become discouraged. I was always the one who knew everything about animals, so now I feel like a fraud.

      When I buried Merlin, I promised him that I would do my absolute best to take care of his brother, and I have. I have since gotten him that bigger cage and I clean it regularly. He has lots of toys and eats fresh fruits and veggies everyday. But even though I have improved, and Dwight is happy, I still can’t shake that thought that this is the life that Merlin deserved.

  • I lost my Coco few days ago because of multiple mistakes that I made. He was only 5 months old 🐈.. I sent him outside the house in anger because my brother was eating food and he was getting irritated. I had 9 cats in total. Coco was out during the night with his brother Momo. I heard two dogs behind them early morning around 4 am. Momo made it through the window but Coco went ahead as he couldn’t understand what to do.. those two dogs went after him and I heard a loud scream, Coco was attacked. I thought he will make his way through to our house and I went back to sleep in this assumption. In the morning, I went out searching for him as he did not arrive and I found him dead😭😭😭 Right from the beginning it was all my fault. I killed my Coco.. I cannot explain how bad I am feeling everyday and I want to punish myself for doing this…

  • My precious cat lost her life tonight. Second one this year. I still don’t know what was wrong. I should have known. Especially after the first cat’s death, I should not have brushed off her symptoms. I shouldn’t have waited until the symptoms got worse. I shouldn’t have been satisfied with half-assed online search. I shouldn’t have made convenient bullshit assumptions. I shouldn’t have made excuses for myself not to take her to the vet. I shouldn’t have decided her heavy breathing this morning wasn’t as important as me getting high and going to sleep. Her last moment should not have been being hastily stuffed into a carrier and being tossed in the car by her panicking owner. I knew something was wrong, and I chose to ignore it and hope it was nothing serious. I chose to wait till it was too late. It all amounts to my comfort being more important to me than her life, so much so that I didn’t even make myself own up to it before it was too late.

    If I ever get another pet, I will make a huge deal out of anything I suspect. I will take all the debt that comes along with saving a life I decided to take care of. I will not make excuses for myself.

    Even so, that will never take away what I didn’t do for her. And I don’t want to hear someone tell me it is okay. She wasn’t just my pet, she was a fellow creature with a mind and life of her own. It isn’t okay that she died too young. It isn’t okay that I neglected her. It never will be. But I will move on and use this experience to do better in the future, if I ever take in another animal.

    Thanks for you guys’ stories by the way. They really do help.

  • My lady asked me to put our sweet dog Athena out on her runner so she could pee. I did, but I was careless and must not have latched her properly. She was hit by a car and died. This happened because of my carelessness, and now our sweet girl is dead (she was only 4), and my lady, her teen daughter, and my 2 little girls have been robbed of another 8-10 years with Athena. I don’t see how I’ll ever be able to get past this.

  • I put down My cat Bjorn (Byorn) yesterday. He was an asshole and I thought I couldnt stand him. I’m pretty introverted. Cant stand people and I dont respond well when a human or animal try to be demanding with me. But My cat had barely been eating over the past few months. The vets in September told me they didnt know what was wrong. So they gave him high calorie food. I did this for a while until I thought he was okay again. I liked him enough to obviously keep him alive. Hed go outside come back in. I brought him in two days ago after he got slumpish out of nowhere. All tests came back negative for any diseases. The vet couldnt tell me what was wrong after I paid 250 dollars again. No answers but she gives me Dyoxycline and i figured hed bounce back like normal. Well I wake up go to the spare room where I was keeping him to check up on him. And hes laying there immobile. Breathing fast. Not blinking. A trail of piss and shit all the way to his litterbox.

    I brought him in after they told me how expensive it would be to try and save his life. He looked in so much pain so I decided to end it. I have NEVER put down an animal,before. I lost alot of people but never an animal. I burst out into tears in front of the tech. Signed the papers. Cried some more and pet him until it was time. They put him down so quickly.

    I thought id be okay because he was just a cat. An asshole that bothered me all the damn time, knocked shit over, tore up my garbage bags, tore up my carpet I couldnt afford to replace, tore up my couches and woke me up in the middle of the night all the time. I was a bad owner and i thought I hated him. But I didnt realize how much I actually loved and needed him. Now I’ll never see him again. He passed away at only 5 years old. I wish he would have been picked from the rescue by a more loving person.

    Good bye Bjorn. Sorry i failed you.

  • I accidentally smothered my daughters 2 month old chi-Pom puppy. I forgot that it was laying in bed with us and I woke and shoved my covers over to the side and went to the store. About an hour later I remembered to check on the puppy and I had tangled it in the blankets, it had died. I feel so unbelievably guilty, idk what to do.


    I gave my dog Toy a bone for him to chew on. He choked on the bone. When I saw him, he was lying in the living room passed out on the floor. I removed the bone from his throat and tried CPR,but I did not do it right. I didn’t know how to do it in dogs. I feel guilty for giving him the bone and for not giving him proper CPR. Maybe I could have saved his life. I’m really sad…

  • I’m dealing with so much grief right now I don’t even know what to do. I took in an adorable Yorkie a few days ago and one of my big dogs attacked him out of nowhere. I knew this dog has a strong prey drive for cats but never dogs, even my little minpin-chi. He just turned on him and bit him in the neck and shook him. I took him to the vet and he died. I’m crushed. I was watching this dog for someone in need and I don’t know how to tell them I killed their dog. I just feel so terrible.

  • My family has had dogs as a family pet for years. Besides as a loving pet they also becomes our storeroom building nightguard. They sleep outside but since my house was surrounded my high steel fence with the extension of the storeroom, this is a normal thing to us. The dog just don’t go inside the house.

    Miko is the first puppy I owned officially. The other dogs are children from my family’s first dog. He is special to me in a way. I asked for him from a family favourite diner when they first had him in the backroom. They let me have him. He is my first and most special sibling I had. He and I played together almost everyday when I got home from school. Me and my brother sneaked him inside my house to bath him and sometimes just to played inside the house. Although he had to go out before my parents came home.
    It was a happy memories for me and I hope his too. But I couldn’t forgive myself when I woke him up on a Sunday morning when he was a sleep inside the box of the storage building. If only I didn’t wake him up that day, maybe he would live longer than a puppyhood and died because of old age. But I woke him up and after patting him some minutes, I went to our car to go to church. As my mother started to drive outside, we heard a loud wail. Our car wheel had crushed Miko’s neck. Our almost. We got off the car and saw Miko’s neck in half. We didn’t bring a venetarian. Although there is one in the city. We went to the church while I was swimming with guilt and worried about Miko all throughout the mass service.
    When we went home, I kept listening to his pained wailing but later on went into my house and just started crying. I never did know why I coudn’t think to ask my parents to call a doctor. And I was acting like Miko had died when he was still crying outside out of pain. I just wailed myself near the window all the while hearing him cied outloud for help.

    My family bagged him and asked one of our stay-in workers to drive Miko with the garbage on our pickup car and to brought his “body” to the local garbage site. The evening after that my parents ask some of them if one of their neighbour had puppies so that I would stop crying. They did in fact managed to find one. It was a cute one but when I saw the new puppy. I cried even louder. Because Miko was probably still out there, wailing in pain but here I am holding his replacement. But it just wasn’t the same after that. That was how Miko story was closed. He was no more in our and supposedly my book.

    I couldn’t even remember much about the puppy that was brought in. I didn’t connect much with him. I gave him a name but that was just it.

    Maybe that was when I realized that our pet might be our pet, but it wasn’t a family member because when we, me especially abandon Miko we are not his family. We are just owners that put him behind after he had lost his uses.

    I used to love dogs. But whenever I thought to have one, I was reminded again, I don’t deserve to have one. In fact I was afraid I would kill one or abandon one again. Instead now I prefer cats but to have one as pet? I don’t think I will too.
    I was having a pity party whenever I saw pets esp dogs and puppies. I think I was the saddest around. But I am merely a coward to take a step forward from that moments where I ‘killed’ him. Maybe I don’t kill him because I am not the one on the wheel, but when I didn’t save him or even be by his side waiting for him to passed away, I might as well be the one who killed him. I killed him by denying him a help to save his life. I often think my not getting over him is a way to atone my guilt and to always remember him as punishment as well as mere guilt.

  • My cat was a fatty but not real huge I had 5 cats and one was bigger all the rest normal. I called this one cute name chunk . Because she sat like a bear and walked like a chunk on the floor cute as hell. Then she started to lose weights as was happy that she ate less I thought but then thought something maybe wrong so asked my vet and said well maybe good just wait a bit. Still lost some but nothing crazy. Checked with Hume again and he was coming to my house to to vet vacation. For all animals 5 cats and 3 dogs and said she looks so happy, running around like nothing wrong maybe not to worry just keep a eye . So she always seemed happy running around but still lost a bit a weight and asked again seems abnormal . Does she seem happy and moving around. I said husband said I was making something out of nothing. Then a few months later she seemed slow moving one day but nothing major. I brought her inane said I don’t give a shit what anyone is saying I am bringing her in. Vet said she was backed up. Took xrays and was backed up a lot along time. But no biggie will stay over night and give her something to release it. All good overnight then they called and said she was having some problems come in sat with her and seemed ok again. Told me go home and pick her up tomorrow. Then called me back a couples of hours later and said come in don’t think she will make it it. I was hopeful she will she me and calm down or whatever or I don’t know what happened . I think the septic or whatever they call it went through her. But I hey how that should have never happened if I only brought her in all the 3 times that I knew something was wrong but I did not. Maybe I believe it would have been enough time to have made a difference before all was to late but I did not listen to me who I always know when when my animals are not right. Why did I listen to me and listen to everyone else that I trusted.. I know better I never listen to anyone. So it is all on me. I killed my cat for not listening to me. I can’t turn the clock around and just wish in the very being of me I can.

  • My beautiful little cat climbed into my tumble dryer last night with out me knowing and I turned it in. I went out and returned to find him lifeless and gone. I loved this cat like I’ve never loved and animal before. I brought him into the world and the guilt and loss is consuming me. My heart is broken.

  • Yesterday was one of the most heartbreaking day ever… my lovely lovebird, booboo, that was only 1 year old was died due to our fault… she was the prettiest creature ever. She was smart, very delightful and naughty… i see alot in tge future for her… i just feel she was wasted that way and it makes me very sad… she was under the cover of sofa, the place she got used to play… there was also a piece of cloth on it, my bro didnt recogniza that she was there and sat on the sofa… fifteen minutes later we foundout Booboo is not around. So we started to call her… there was no answer and it was weird… we searched every corner of the house and i suddenly take off the cover and saw her dead body… her beautiful body was just like … that picture will never leave me I just shatterd inside… she is just gone forever…

  • Almost 4 years ago, I was in New York visiting my Aunt. I was home alone and was going to head out to visit other family nearby. I walked outside one morning in October and realized that the car was a little frosty so I let my Aunt’s pets outside before I left and I tried to start the car, to warm it up. My Aunt’s littlest dog was by the steps last I looked. I got in the car and the steering wheel was locked in place. Getting frusterated I shut the car door with me inside the car. The car door didn’t shut I looked down and the little poodle was on the ground, nose bleeding. Immediately I picked up my friend and held him close. Trying to stop the bleeding with my jacket. I called my Aunt a few times before she answered. I was so scared and unsure where the vet clinic was. I only had a track phone with a few numbers. He died in my arms on the way to the vet clinic. I am responsible for his death. It was an accident, it is tramatizing, and 4 years later I’m still dealing processing this experience. It took awhile for me not to call myself his killer. I definitely loved him. And I knew he loved me too. He was the best friend to my aunt. I miss him dearly. And I’m having a really hard time accepting that its okay for me to live. This one expecience changed me greatly. Changed my goals, changed my soul.

  • About a week ago, I found a small fledgling bird and my dogs were attacking it, so I scooped her up and kept her as my own. My whole family told me she was gonna die that night, but I got the right food mix for her and made her a small cage and I bonded so much with her, whenever I left my room she would start chirping so I was always with her. Yesterday morning she woke up very early around 5, and I fed her and I brought her to my bed, I didn’t think I would fall asleep, I never fall back asleep after I wake up, but I did. I woke up around 12 having a panic attack bc I couldn’t find the bird, I stood up and there she was. Laying under me. Dead. I had squished her while I was sleeping, I buried her in my backyard but I still can’t get over her, Everytime I think about her my brain just goes to how I killed her. I can’t even sleep in my bed anymore, I’ve been sleeping on my mom’s rooms floor. I can’t go back into my room without my brain bringing me back to that morning I killed her.

  • Sprinkles was a tiny 3 year old Calico with fierce green eyes. She was found alone in a horse stall as a newborn. She was never “right” and would be a sweet cat and the next moment attack you for no reason. My 7 year old daughter made the poor choice to bring her outside where she got startled and ran away. We looked everywhere and posted signs. 3 weeks later we found her in our raspberry bushes. She was skinny but ate her food right away. She had cold symptoms and we brought her to the vet right away. They diagnosed her with Upper Respiratory Infection and gave her antibiotics and did blood tests. She got better for a week and then drastically worse. I rushed her to the vet again and they administered more antibiotics, fluids and pain meds. She had dropped from 4 to 2 pounds in 10 days. She was also hypothermic and smelled like death. She died in my arms a few hours later. If only I would’ve brought her to the vet a few days earlier. If only I made more money I could’ve afforded the $1,000 per night for hospitalization. If only I’d looked for her harder when she was lost. If only…

  • I purchased one of the lights of my life off of Craigslist a beautiful sweet loving green Quaker parrot who the family didn’t want anymore and I was good with taking care of him at first and I loved him so much to the point where he was able to lift my depression just from being with him he would always know when I was upset and he would act differently trying to make it better and get involved with me and I barely took care of myself but then I stopped taking care of him, I didn’t change his water as frequently, i didn’t change his food more than once every few days, and I kept telling myself that it wasn’t effecting anything and he’s just been refusing his food. His food had been filled and so had his water but his water was dirty with his broken seeds and his food bowl was filled with the parts of the feed he didn’t like or want and empty seeds and I didn’t change it. One day I found him on the bottom of his cage barely breathing and I took him to the nearest vet which was an hour away that would treat birds and I was given a second chance he had force fed him sugar filled liquid food and he was perking up and I still didn’t take t as seriously as I should the vet gave me the same food to give to him in a mixed warm water solution and I didn’t do it once I tried to just feed him his favorite treats but my stupidity and my stubbornness at admitting my fault and I hate myself and writing this is the hardest thing he died because he had a lack of nutrients and energy because he wasn’t strong enough after the previous neglect to continue eating his treats that he loved so much and this happened one year ago almost it still hurts equivalently to that of a family member because no one can tell me it’s not my fault it is and I’m a terrible person and I hate myself forever for hurting someone I held so dear to me. I love you forever and always kiwi please forgive me I made mistakes and I wish I could take it all back.

  • Hey.
    so, I have failed with my wife’s two Pet Axolotl…
    I have a mental health issue with water and she is away right now for medical treatment.
    and I didn’t realize that something was wrong with her Axos, because I could feed them, but I couldn’t reach into the water or anything like that.
    so I only realized that the first had died after it started to decompose in the water… I swear I didn’t realize before that, it was normal for it to stay in his hideout and feed after I went away…
    And by the time I realized that something was wrong, the second one was so sick that the vet had to put him down.
    and I feel so horrible about it….

  • Yesterday afternoon, I accidentally fell on a young kitten I’d been taking care of for my husband’s coworker. It must’ve broken his back or something–I’ll never know, because he almost immediately jumped and then had strange movements, then began vomiting blood. I feel guilty because I panicked and ran to find my cell phone but couldn’t locate it…it took me a total of fifteen minutes to get him to a vet, but by then he was already gone. It was difficult to watch. And it’s all because I fell on him trying to avoid stepping on another kitten. Now we’re watching the other two in the litter and I feel constantly sad about the one we lost. I’d cuddled him earlier that afternoon, not knowing he only had five hours of life left! We’d still been feeding him formula…he was only a baby, like my own one-year-old human baby. It tears me up inside to think about what happened, even though it’s not my cat. This kitten didn’t deserve to die. Now I have all of these photos I took of him yesterday, adorable cat pictures I shared with friends and family just hours before he died. I’m filled with guilt and sadness. The thing that helps me feel better is…a lot of other people here have shared their stories. That, and as we buried him in the ground, we heard a strange “mew” sound that I’d like to think was his message to us to say it’s okay, that he forgave and that he’s well now.

  • My husband and I were gifted a shih tzu puppy 15 years ago. He was our live, our love, our son. We were unable to have children so Marley was our fur son. He brought infinite happiness to us every day. All in all he made us better too. He was the happiest, cutest, smartest furbaby. Even at 15yrs old he still ran and played sometimes a bit slowly but still had his puppy side to him. His heart was enlarged so I thought eventually that’s how he’d pass. Even though he never had any symptoms. But sadly no, a tragic accident happened and it’s my fault. We were on the porch so I put him in the house and next thing that happened was he nose opened the door and ran straight not stopping at the edge and fell. I witnessed this, God knows I tried I couldn’t get to him in time. So, in a split second I lost him, our only child. It was my fault and the guilt is overwhelming. My heart physically hears. Don’t know if its possible to come back from this, just don’t see how. Not to mention my husband’s anguish and despair. Was it a horrible accident, yes of course, but it’s my fault. In between the fault and all the guilt how will I ever attempt to heal.

  • My baby puppy was name Cody Bartholomew Moning and i loved him. He was born on 12-29-2010 I failed my poor baby on 8-12’2019. Cody was never sick, got his regular shots every year, he was able to see the vet anytime due to a wellness plan he was on. Please all I know that day i was careless but i chose this place to speak the truth. I had to go to work early that morning that day would turn out to be about 104 degrees. Cody loved to dig under the fence and plenty of times i would come home to find that my older neighbors chased him down once again because he got out to my relief. To stop this issue i got something similar to a stake but actually made for this purpose to keep a pet leashed onto it. I had long ropes and clipped it to his body collar (so that it never went clipped on his neck to avoid any choking) he had enough length to be under a full covered patio and enough length to go into the yard if he needed to. I feel so guilty that this day i worked overtime, 12 hours, and he wrapped the rope around the stake to where he was stuck in the sun for only God knows how long. When i got my home my baby Cody ody was no longer here. I can’t stop crying and feel soooooo guilty that I failed him. I miss him so much he had so much energy. The night before i spent time with him. I could say “Cody go get your toy cody, go get your toy” and it was exciting to me to just see him perk up look all over the house for the toy and a lot of time come out with it in mouth or at time i will spot the toy and say Cody look it’s over here, look Cody and he will go grabbing for it. I feel like I’m hell now. I worked so much and went thru other unfortunate issues that I took him for granted. I wish i had done more with him. Just don’t realize how much they mean to you until their no longer here. I don’t know how im going to explain this to my neighbor when they start asking were is Cody. Im dealing with shame, guilt, and regret to the 100th degree.

  • I lost my cat tonight. She was put to sleep. She was a stray cat that my Mom took care of… And I grew to care for her even though it was difficult at times. She was every bit an outdoor cat but she felt that she belonged to us… That our home was her home, even if it was our back yard. When my Mom passed, I took the cat with me. I couldn’t stand to leave her with no one to take care of her… Feed her. I only wanted to protect her… But she couldn’t adjust to living in the house…or it was me who couldn’t adjust to her living in the house… So I eventually put her outside… She learned her new environment… And for awhile she thrived but somehow she was injured and I didn’t know. Until I saw her limping and just thought it was a bruised leg maybe, but she wouldn’t eat. I decided to bring her in the house to let her recuperate recuperate but she was acting strange. So I picked her up to move her to the basement and that’s when I saw the wound. It was a hole in her hind leg full of maggots. I rushed her to the vet and they told me they would have to amputate her leg and it would cost several thousands with no guarantee of survival. I decided to euthanize her. I feel so guilty. I should have let her live in the house… In the basement… Then maybe she would still be here. The guilt and pain I feel now isn’t worth not having to deal with the challenges of getting her acclimated to living inside.

  • I have such a similar story that ended today. It is so hard. I hope time has helped for you we did the best we could at the time but I know exactly how you feel.

  • It all started when my pride and joy puggle got into my bathroom garbage. She was throwing up, not eating, and was very lethargic after so I took her to the local vet. They didn’t k kw what exactly was wrong with her, so they sent her up to the Indy Vet for emergency surgery. The doctors found 5 tampons in her stomach that were pushing her intestines together. She had a very expensive surgery and eventually got to go home. About a week later, I was leaving to go on vacation with my dad. I brought Molly with me to meet my
    Mom so she could watch her while I was gone. On my way to meet my mom, I had to slam on the breaks of my car and molly was in the backseat and took a hard fall on the ground. She was fine at first, so I left her with my mom and went on vacation. She wasn’t doing well, so my mom took her to the vet again and they said she was getting bacteria in her blood stream and needed to have emergency surgery again. She had the surgery and was looking good. Then, I got a call from my mom saying she was getting more yeast and fluids in her stomach and the doctors didn’t want to operate on her again because it was too risky. She was in pain, and they had to put her down. I let her down so many times in these past 2 weeks and I couldn’t even be there to say goodbye. I thought going on vacation was more important that my dogs health. Molly was my best friend and the best dog I have ever met and I can never forgive myself for my actions that lead to this

  • I didn’t get our cat desexed. I was embarrassed/ashamed for not doing it when I should have and too scared to call a vet and book him in. Our first pet. Our absolutely adored baby that we doted on always for 18 months. He was so young, 18 months. Poor baby. He relied on me for food, water, shelter, lover, and I gave him all that a thousand times over. But I didn’t get him desexed. I didn’t do what I needed to do to stop him from wanting to get out at night. He got hit by a car. Impact directly to the face. Jaw split in half. Blood coming out his ears. His f$&@&$;g eyeball literally hanging from his head. My baby. But he didn’t die. He had to suffer through a 20 minute car ride, terrified, traumatised, obviously in immense pain, struggling to breathe at all, and still very much conscious. We cuddled and loved on him while he was put to sleep. A blanket placed over his face because of the horror that his once absolutely beautiful face now was. He’s gone forever, because I did not keep him safe. My children have suffered such an immense loss in such a traumatic way. I will never get the image of his face out of my head, and sadly I don’t think they will either. My precious babies and our beautiful fur baby.
    This was two nights ago. He is still at the vets. Dead. Then waiting for me to tell them what to do with his body. How do you decide?? I am frozen. Shattered then numb. I don’t want them to burn him. I don’t want him buried in the ground. I just want him back. How do you decide?? How????

  • Yesterday I lost my baby girl. She was a 3 year old golden retriever. We took her for a walk at a nearby oval and when we got home she wouldn’t get up. She was breathing heavy but we thought we had just over-worked her at the oval. An hour later she was becoming very spacy and unresponsive. We rushed her to the vet and on the way she had a seizure in my lap. It turns out it was a snake bite. She lost the battle 5hrs later. I can’t help but think what if I took her to the vet when I first saw her symptoms, she would still be here. What if I could afford the respirator to give the antivenom a bit more time to work. I loved her so so much.

  • We rescued a kitten (Whiskers) in 2016 who was born outside to a stray. She was only 6 weeks old. We already had one cat who we rescued as a stray one late october night in 2015. So when i asked the wife about getting Whiskers from a coworker who found her, she said “no”. “We dont need another mouth to feed and vet bill with our work schedule”. So i did what any good husband would do, i picked up Whiskers and brought her home to see if her reply was still “no” once she saw that adorable face. It worked!!!! We got to keep her. It was not instant love between. For Mittens, it had been her house alone for almost 8 months. We introduced them slowly and they came to be best friends. Mittens is a 14lb tabby and Whiskers was a longhaired Tortoiseshell who could never break the 6lb barrier. She was gifted with Napoleon complex and would constantly antagonize her bigger sister. They both loved it. In sept of 2018 we got a Husky pup and back to square one….. they were not impressed with the new addition. He wanted to play and was curious and they wanted nothing to do with him. He was not aggressive at all but when he would get to close for a sniff, the claws would come out. So we put the cats in our big master bedroom that had a master bath as well where we placed their litter box. We were slowly intorducing them. And letting them get used to his intimidating presence (as he grew into 60lbs) and also teaching him that they are not play toys.
    Fast forward to august ’19. We have had problems with moles since we bought the house and have always baited for them with Tomcat worm bait. Recently i had baited an active run and only used 1 worm out of the 2 in the pack. I set the other down on the counter and forgot about it. While we were out of state for a wedding in Aug. We boarded our Husky and gave the cats the run of the house. Upon our return, we found the EMPTY package of bait on the floor with tiny claw and teeth holes all through it. We searched high and low for the missing worm. We monitored the cats over the next week and neither showed any tell tale signs of poisening…. everything was normal. I researched the Bromethalin levels in the bait, toxicity levels and effects. We thought we were in the clear.
    A few weeks ago, Whiskers started acting wierd. She was walking with a wierd gate in her back end as she walked, was unable to keep her rear legs from sliding while eating, started urinating outside the litterbox, and wouldnt touch her dry food. She couldnt stick the landing when leaping from her perch…. with the bait thing forgotten because noone got sick, we did research and found articles on cats hiding their pain and symptoms they display. So we figured she got hurt playing or some other way. We took her to the vet and they did bloodwork, and fecal. Everything was normal so they started treating an antibiotic for toxic plasmosis. We were on this for 2 weeks and it wasnt getting better, actually worse. She started falling over when walking and walking straight up to a wall and just sitting there staring. So we started her on steroids on saturday and by sunday she got even worse and we made the decision to put her down. It was not fair to her and we did not have the money to go through mri that the vet advised would be approx $1000 and depending on what they saw, surgery or chemo that could run another 2000-6000. After a 2nd checkup prior to putting her to sleep he also advised that there is no certainty that any treatment would work and we may be in the same boat because it is neurological. After finding out that she couldnt see by this point and wasnt even correcting her paws when folded over we made the call to stop her suffering. We didnt want to put her through another couple months of pain and suffering for something that wasnt even a 50/50 chance. It was one of hardest things we have had to do because even though it was 3 short years, it is a lifetime of memories. My wife asked last night if that worm could have had anything to do with it because everyone was drawing a blank. I started researching it more and found out my math on the levels were wrong and also signs can wait a week before presenting themselves. I thought we were in the clear in 1 or 2 days.
    We are completely heart broken. I feel so guilty. I had left the bait on the counter. I should have taken both in for immediate treatment as a precaution since i did not know which, if either, had eaten it. And i wished i would have thought to mention it to vet, but it had been almost 2 weeks from time she ate it and i had assumed it was something else because of the slow effect and symptoms.
    I wont be able to forgive myself for my careless actions that led to the suffering and death of our beloved family member, i only find solace in knowing that we rescued her at a very young age and gave her love and attention every single day and made her short time here as happy as possible. She had such attitude and personality that on the worst day you were having would make you laugh. Im sorry Whiskers and we love you soooo much. We will see you again our lil stinker

  • Reading all these comments has in a way helped me so I thought I would share my story. My loss was my 5yr old mastiff. I lived alone when I got him and he was my first indoor dog. My first pet since living alone. I’ve never been so close to a pet. He was my snuggle buddy for life. I brought him to my dad’s house in the country, near a highway, where he could play with my dad’s new pup. I had brought him out here dozens of times before and didn’t have a problem with him wandering to the highway. The night was winding down and I had him outside still in the dark. We heard a noise outside that sounded like a trailer hitting a pothole. I immediately panicked and ran outside looking for him. We found him dead already in the driveway off the highway leading to my dad’s house. I thank God he died instantly and didn’t suffer but I felt like I still had at least 5 more good years with him. I feel immense guilt for leaving him out there alone. I accept it as a lesson to learn from but he is the one that paid the ultimate price for that lesson. I beg all of you to keep your loved pets close at all times and educate yourself on their safety unlike me. I took him for granted.

  • I lost my baby conure last week to a stupid, stupid accident that I’m still struggling to accept. He was only nine months old and we were inseperable. I’m an experienced and responsible pet owner and I should have known better. I took a nap while he was out of his cage, thinking there was nothing he could get into while I rested a while. He was such a sweet baby, loved blankets and must have crawled underneath mine as I slept. I woke up and his neck was broken. He was still warm. I feel like I’m living a nightmare, every day since that day I ask myself, how could I have been so careless? He was only a baby. He deserved so much better. If I’m heartbroken for the rest of my life it still won’t be enough to make up for what I did to that little bird who trusted me to take care of him. Reading this article and everyone elses comments was really cathartic and made me feel much less alone in my grief, thank you.

  • 6 months ago my dad moved into a nursing home. He had an 11 year old cat named Fishbait (lol) that I brought home to live with me and my family. I already had a 1.5 year old cat and a 1 year old German Shepard. He was nervous at first, as he was an only pet at my dad’s place. But, he came round. I love all of my furbabies intensely. Fishbait became my best friend almost instantly. Every cat has their own personality. My other cat is a treasure, but he’s not much of a cuddler. He never just approaches me for affection, but he has other ways of expressing his love. Fishbait was different. He knew his name and would come when I called him. We would lay next to me and purr so hard he would vibrate. He had the biggest eyes, biggest heart and he loved cuddles. A week or so before he died I was “conversing” with him. I told him how much I loved him and how he must “tell me” if he isn’t feeling well so I can help him. I wanted AT LEAST another 8-10 years with him. On sunday, the day he died seemed pretty unremarkable. I woke up, fed my pets and went about having a lazy day. My husband and I laid down for an afternoon nap, and just as I started to doze off I heard him meow 3 times outside my door. I walked out and found a huge pile of throw up and Fishbait was panting. Struggling to breath. I panicked. My husband rushed in and we called a 24 hour emergency vet. They were 38mins away. I wrapped him in a towel and placed him in his carrier. I sat in the backseat as we sped toward the vet. I opened the carrier and held his face in my hands. We were barely half way to the vet when he stopped fighting. I held him. I kissed his head and pet him as his life faded away. I have never felt so much pain, anguish and guilt. Guilt that i panicked and I couldn’t save him. Days later, i believe he was choking and now I have so much guilt that I panicked. If I hadn’t panicked, maybe I could have saved him. I tried. I did try. I held him. I rubbed his throat and jostled his tummy. But not enough. I know he’s still with me. I feel like I can still feel his presence next to me. I know he wouldn’t want me to have soo much sadness. I hope he knows I love him with my whole heart and always will. It helps to share my story with others that feel the same way as me. As the days go by my pain and guilt lessen. I still have a long road though. I decided to adopt a cat from our local shelter today. Not to replace Fishbait, but to share the love in my heart for another creature that needs it. Fishbait died knowing so much love! And as bad as it hurts when we lose them, I want to give that love to another. I hope we all find peace.

  • I just lost my Tiny, and it was my fault, in multiple ways. Tiny was a male housecat, 9 yrs old, neutered, with a very tiny little white patch on his chest. He was the smallest of his litter, and also the noisiest. He was patient, sweet, loving, loyal, and had a load of personality. He loved catnip and his scratching post. He was also a master hunter. He loved being outside, and would bring home anything from full grown rabbits to little bitty chipmunks. He also was prone to disappearing for days at a time, sometimes more than a week. He did it so many times over the years that my wife and I just got used to it, and took it for granted that he would always come back safe. Recently we adopted 2 new kittens. It wasnt the first time we brought a new animal into the house, and my wife and I both knew Tiny would be grouchy about it. We also knew he would eventually come around and even love our new family members. It was my idea to bring in the cats, and I knew my wife would go for it. We are both animal lovers, after all. We fought hard to keep Tiny inside the first couple weeks. We didn’t want him to lose our home’s scent, but he grew more agitated and restless. We decided to let him out one day, and he didn’t come back. No big deal, business as usual really. After a few days, my wife suggested we take a walk around the neighborhood and call for him, an old tactic we would try that would usually result in him showing up in the next couple of days. We walked one night that first week he was gone……..just one. We should have walked every night, but the nights were turning cold, and we were tired from the day. He’ll be fine, we assured ourselves. After 2 weeks of him being gone, we were a little more worried, but this was still semi normal so we weren’t too upset about it. I was tired from work and lazy, and my wife has depression and was going through an especially rough episode, so we both just sat around thinking or saying we should walk and call for him, put flyers up, etc, but doing nothing about it. Finally out of desperation, my wife apologizes for her inability to take action and pleads with me to take the lead. I did it when she asked, but I shouldn’t have waited for her to ask me. I shouldn’t have been so lazy, should have acted sooner. I knew she was having a tough time but I figured it was wasted effort anyway. He will come home when he’s ready, like he always does. So approximately 17 days after our beloved friend, our old man, our fur baby of 9 years goes missing, the MAN of the house gets off his lazy ass and puts out signs on the street corners. And I was rewarded for my efforts. Two days later, I get a phone call from a man who saw my flyers. The voice on the other end says that he has found Tiny, but it was already too late. He was found by a landscaper, curled up under a bush, already gone. They had put him in a black garbage bag out in their driveway. I opened the bag just a little, and my heart sank. It only took the site of his black fur and and his beautiful little feet to know it was him. His fur was covered with frost. I put him in a box and took him home. Tiny had been stuck out on a wet night where it got below freezing. His precious little body had succumbed to the cold. I decided to bury him under a tree in the back yard. When I took him out and carefully laid him in the hole I had just dug, he appeared to be sleeping. He was curled up on his side, front arms folded under his body, eyes closed. It was just as if he was curled up in his favorite spot on our cat tree, or even lounging in a beam of sunlight in the kitchen window. I caressed his little head for the last time, scratching his ear as I often did, and then I shoveled the cold earth over my tiny dude, my buddy weasel bear. The worst part of all of this is that he was just across the street, literally less than 100 feet from his home when he died. Now I often ponder his final moments. Was he lost and searching for home and couldn’t find it? Did he wonder where we were, why we didn’t look for him more? Where was his daddy when he needed him? Did he come home that night, but no one was up to hear him at the door? So many regrets, and so many opportunities to change the outcome. I imagine him alone, cold, starving, and freezing to death. Not understanding why this is happening to him. And while my friend suffers a lonely and agonizing death due to my negligence, I’m relaxing inside, too lazy to care. The shame and guilt are overwhelming. I betrayed my friend, and I will never see him again.

  • As I have read through many of your heartbreaking stories with tears in my eyes, I am going to share mine. 2 days ago I thought I had a healthy 5 year old beagle mix named Pima. I rescued him as a pup running down a busy road with 3 other pups with him. I am not much a dog person at all, but cat lover instead. I knew I couldn’t keep them so I started searching for homes. Noone would take them. Found a no kill rescue that said bring them over. I was so excited. They took 3 but would not take the 4th one. They looked him over and said he was so sickly and he looked like death warmed over. Then I decided to take him to my vet to put him to sleep instead. Well, I got a big awaking from my vet he told me hes your dog now and let’s treat him and get him better…and I brought him home. Hes had some immune problems that we got basically under control and next step was housing for him. The 3 cats in my home wasn’t having him in thier safe space. I ordered a 20×10 special order kennel and bought a igloo home for him, enclosed part of it to cover his home as well. He seemed happy and comfortable for all these years and let him out on his lead to play in the grass/roll basically to get him off the concrete from time to time. I walked with him to the barn area also on occasions. I am fixing to tell you my guilt while I am crying and hating on myself right now. I run 2 businesses and I feel I have not taken the needed time to love on this absolutely sweet dog God gave me…and 2 days ago I was running a fever of 102 up til today. I have been sick for several weeks now and had not given him much attention…but he seemed like he knew I was sick and was still happy to see me even he wasn’t getting out of the kennel like normal. Yesterday I went to go feed/water him and he was just sitting there, vomit and black diarrhea in his pen. I got the water hose and cleaned it up and found some in his house. I washed it all out and and lined it with bath towels. I was so sick yesterday I said to myself I will take us both to doctors tomorrow morning. Well that was too late for him. I cant describe the guitlyness I am feeling right now for leaving him alone and died. He was such a gentle dog and I let him down. I dont think I will ever get over this. I am so sorry I didn’t bring him in. I hope God will forgive me and my precious dog named Pima. Love you and may we meet again.

  • My first pet snow a beautiful white cat my friend gave me. He’s with me for 7 months i still remember the day i got him he was a cute kitten but was very afraid slowly he learned his name and so many things I’d everything to keep him well. Yesterday he died and i feel very guilty because i have to admit that i didn’t bother vaccinating him which was my primary duty with everything going in my daily life i meglected it. On october i shifted from city to village because i lost my job. Snow loved to sleep a lot and 12/11/19 he slept whole day like usual so i didn’t really check i called him to eat but he kept sleeping that particular day was a cold one so i thought he was feeling cold and left him to sleep in blanket(i should have taken him to a vet another regret).That night i called him for dinner he refused to eat so i made his bed and make him sleep. Another guilt i didnt let him sleep with me in my bed instead i made his bed near me and the next morning at 4:30am i heard him make sound i checked and he took his last breath i cried till 8am then finally burried him it was the most painful moment of my life he was stiff cold my baby …i dont know anything but i miss him i love him and i regret what i did. I don’t know if he will forgive me because he was too young to die i wish he was left with his family because i couldn’t become a good parent to him i couldn’t protect him.. im a bad person really there’s no one to talk to about my pain.My guilt confession if i were more responsible he would still be alive and this very thought makes me feel guilty. He lost his life because of me .

  • On Thursday at 6.45 pm I accidentally backed over our beautiful family cat Bella, 16 years old. I heard a thump and I immediately knew what must have happened. I felt sick as I saw her run off. I went after her as she collapsed to the ground. I picked her up hoping she would be okay but it was obvious she wasn’t. I screamed for my husband who came out and held her. He said “she’s going love”. I screamed the neighbourhood down. One by one our four adult children who grew up with her and loved her so much came home. It was heartbreaking as they cried for losing Bella but at the same time telling me it wasn’t my fault. I can’t shake the guilt as I have a reversing camera but at the time I was focussed on the wing mirrors as I was coming out of the garage. She was going deaf and could have been already lying on the driveway. I feel I could have prevented it. I feel sick when I think about it and how she passed in my husband’s arms. If I feel like this, then I can only imagine how people feel when children are involved. Thank you for listening!

  • I lost my 3 year shih tzu on Thursday. She was my shadow and adored me, she would be looking out the window after me when I’d go to work and i could hear her jumping on the inside of the door when i would insert the key every evening. She slept beside me in bed and sometimes on my pillow. If she jumped off the bed at night and i noticed I’d tell her to hop up and she’d jump back up beside me. She died because she had to have surgery to remove some of her colon and she got an infection gone the following morning. She ate something in the house I feel so guilty for not protecting her from whatever got stuck in her tummy, i knew she liked to pull at her towels and bedding but at 3 years I didn’t realize it was unsafe – I should have known better, I should have taken all the soft bedding away from her. I have this weird feeling in my tummy since it happened and I can’t stop crying. That little dog trusted me to look after her and i let her down so so badly.

  • My one year old cat ( Single Dot)died two days before ( Tuesday :03.12.3019). He was very attached and dependable cat compared to my other cats. He always wanted affection of us over other fellow cats, therefore alwys he spent the time with us. While I was cooking, sleeping, sweeping, when im going to tje terrace he was always with me. He was fond of eating lot specilly fish and meat.
    He was physically not much active and several times got sick and weak. We treated him twice through the vet and sometimes with home remedies and sometime he recovered after one or two days of getting sick.

    I have 3 cats and one of the other cats was sick during last week and I gave him specilly whatever he likes to encouraged him to eat. The other cat came to normal. But during that time Single Dot also ate lot.
    On Monday Single Dot refused food but quite normal but evening he was not okay. Monday night could not find him in the home or garden. Tuesday morning also he didnt come to our room and I found that he was sitting near the neighborhood garden. I carried him to the home and tried to feed but he refused. I assumed that he would be better after sometime and decided to give him sometime to recover from his problem. I time to time visited him and gave some water using syringe. But there was no progress until 4.00pm then I wanted to go the Vet. But I didnt have enough courage to do it becuase I was dealing with severe hurt and anxiety on the same day. I have had brushed or showred or havent had my lunch.

    However, at 4.15 Single Dot started to breath heavily After vomiting and I called my husband to go to the vet. We didnt have a personal vehicle , my phone also off. I was so weak with my hurtful day. I didnt know what to do stayed until my husband come. Sadly at 5pm Single Dot left me infront of me. I feel terribly guilt and sad because I assumed he died by over eating during last week and also i didnt not take immediate action. I told the story to the Vet after his death and she told me l, my cat died within 2days of sick and probably he may have eaten some poison.

    Anyhow im struggling my beloved kid had gone away from me. Im spending more times with my other two cats while comforting them. They may also feeling the loss of my other cat. Im very sad, cant justify my behavior during his death , I miss his presence. When im getting up in the morning my first thought is loss of my Single Dot. I Love Him soo much.

  • My cat Florio died in my arms this morning of cancer. But he’d been losing weight in the autumn and I should have noticed, not put it down to his stress issues in the past. I should have bent my parents arms into getting him into the vet sooner when he might have had a chance at being operated on. I feel like I failed him and he trusted me; he was like my little brother that I couldn’t have. And if his sister dies it’ll be my fault.

  • Update on my Florio: I’m feeling a little less guilty after reading the vet papers. It turns out he had a tumor for about three years that was never discovered during checkups. He died at 10 and a half and was otherwise a healthy and strong cat. They also said that even we had got him in earlier it wouldn’t have made any difference because there was an almost one hundred percent chance he would die during surgery. Florio waited for me to come down and pick him up from where he was sleeping by mom and died in my arms an hour later. To clarify the reason I’m so worried about his sister dying of grief is because my grandmother had three cats. One, named Pronto, broke his back and had to be put down. His brother Duffy got very depressed and died a month later of a heart attack. However, Duffy was also reclusive and not particularly people oriented. Thankfully, Hannah (Florio’s sister) is both a lovebug and an attention hog. She is also strong and healthy and has a younger cat named Fern to keep her active. Fern tries to play with her; they’re working out a dynamic. By the time Pronto died, old Babs, the third cat, didn’t do much more than sleep so Duffy had no cat to rely on. Hopefully, we can help Hannah through as she is already quite clingy now.

  • It’s all my fault. I didn’t think my friends dog would viciously kill my beloved baby girl “Raiderette” I knew they would not be best friends but this dog mauled my baby and I couldn’t stop it. She suffered because of me. Her eyes were bleeding and she was gasping for air. I finally got her when people helped get the pitbull off she died within minutes. I miss her so and it’s my fault. I needed to get a creep away he kept coming to my house and throwing rocks at window or banging on the door, my neighbors complained too. The manager 86 him. My friend said take “Honey” home for the night. The dog wasnt even in my house 5min and it was over my baby girl was dead. I know she hates me. I can’t live in this house anymore, I threw out everything. I held her she made barely any sounds. I will never forget or be able to get the attack out of my head. I don’t know what to do.
    Yvonne in memory of Siamese cat Raiderette

  • Just over a week ago, I found a stray cat with a horrible infected wound on its face and one eye. My husband help me catch her and the next day we took her to the vet. We found out she was about 14 years old, had no teeth, was blind in the other eye as well, and only weighed about 3lbs. The doc gave her a shot of antibiotic and we brought her back home. She had been eating and drinking well but the wound on her face wasn’t healing – it was always bloody and raw. So a couple of days ago, I put an e collar on her to prevent her from digging at it. I watched her eat and drink to be sure that wasn’t an issue. The day before yesterday, I noticed she was stepping in her water and getting in the litter box. There was litter caked on her feet and also in the water dish. I wasn’t sure why that was happening but I got her some fresh water and cleaned up her feet. Then yesterday morning, when I checked on her, she was so lethargic I knew something was wrong. As I held her and tried to decide what to do, I thought she had died in my arms and my husband started to dig her a grave. But then she moved very slightly so we decided to take her to the emergency room. They told us she was dehydrated and her heart rate was very low. The doc also said that it would be a very long and expensive road to try to get her well (including the severe wound on her face) and that even then her prognosis was considered “guarded” at best. I decided at her age not to put her little body through all that and chose euthanasia instead. The doctor fully supported me in that decision. I held her in my arms and petted her head while it was done. Now, I’m looking back on everything and it has dawned on me that, for some reason or another, she probably was dehydrated because she couldn’t drink after I put the e collar on her. And even though I had seen her do it, it somehow was getting in her way. She was trying to tell me what the problem was by stepping in the water with her feet. I blame myself because I should have known. I can’t believe I was so stupid not to see it. In my effort to protect the wound and let it heal, I caused her another, more serious, problem. And now I blame myself for choosing euthanasia. I wish I had asked them to give her IV fluids and keep her a few days to see if she bounced back. Then I could worry about the rest of her recovery (and cost of it) later. This is hitting me so hard. I wanted so much to save her and give her all the love she hadn’t had until the day I found her. I don’t know how to get past this and forgive myself.

  • I lost my dog a week ago she had a tumor that had ulcerated as well as other things going on . She was 15 years old very tired . Am so guilty over it all its killing me . This year we found a small lump and I said we need to keep an eye on that . Then a few months later we started to notice blood on her that’s when we notice that it had got bigger and ulcerated. We took her to the vet who said her lymph node was enlarged and look liked it had spread . We had 2 choices one to let her have surgery or have her put to sleep . We didnt want any more pain for her so we let her go . I feel terrible over this I just keeping thinking why didnt I take her when I first seen the lump . Am feeling so much guilt and grieve over her . I loved her so much

    • I lost my talking bird just 3 days ago and i blame myself for her death. It was wednesday when she started to be innactive but not that lethargic, she knida lost her appetite and only eat and drink a little, i gave her fruits instead of pellets for her to swallow the food easily. I can’t sleep i’m scared that what if the next day i wake up and she’s dead. Time to time i check her to know of how she’s doing. The next day she seemed to be ok to me, i know that i needed to bring her to the vet but it’s too late the next morning i wake up and she’s already lying on the edge of cage but still breathing i googled the contact number of the nearest 24 hours vet clinic from our house to rush her there but only to find out that the clinic was temporarily close due to this pandemic and the other nearest vet clinic in our house was not 24 hours and bringing you pet there is through having an appointment with them. After one hour she lost her breath she died i’m so dumb i should have taken her to the vet earlier i should have taken an appointment to the vet the day i found out she lost her appetite so that the next day i can bring her to the vet 😭😭😭. She’s 11 years old and i feel so useless i should have done it earlier i feel like i did not do anything for her i’m so dumb i can’t stop crying i’m tired of crying day and night but i can’t help myself to cry the pain in my chest was unbearable i can’t stop blaming myself for what happened. I hope i can turn back the time i should have bring her to the vet earlier i can’t stop asking myself what if i bring her to the vet earlier? will she able to survive? If only i brought her earlier to the vet earlier she won’t die she died because of my dumbness😭😭😭. She’s the one who usually make noises in our house. Now without her presence our home was now filled with silence 😭😭😭😭😭😭.

  • Hey, I just feel if this can help someone cope that they are not alone then why not. My mom took in a baby bird that was removed from her nest because some people chopped down the tree she was in. My goal was to rehabilitate the little bird to go back outside (I had asked my mom to take her to a specialist but it was a four hour drive she didn’t want to make and I can’t drive yet.) So everyday I would do my best to get her used to the outside, take her out and let her bathe in water. She was getting too use to living with us and I knew it, yet I still wanted to see her fly free.

    After three months of these outings being safe with her never flying too far from me I sarted to get too comfortable…. and I moved my outside chair closer to her who I let out of the cage already and bam- she got frightened and flew up a short tree. Terrified I asked my sister to help catch her but she was too far to reach and she wasn’t listening to our calls. She was also terrified of the ground and I hadn’t taught her enough to survive alone. (Though her birds are native to where I live.) after a lot of back and forth we tried to get her to land with water from the hose (not a smart move.) she then flew to another tree higher and then another even higher…. my mom insisted she could survive out now and I couldn’t stay outside forever. (Yuma az degree is 110.) but the guilt kept eating me up as I KNEW she wasn’t ready yet. So for the next two days with an excessive heat warning in place I looked everywhere and called out as best I could without irritating any neighbors, I placed her cage out with food and water and rattled her bell she loved everywhere. There was one part of the road in the neighborhood that I was hesitant to enter as there were unpleasant people living there so I would only quickly scan the area for my Sofie bird. Then, on the third day I couldn’t take it anymore and I went down that street- and there she was, dead on the ground. She was run over by one of the neighbors that revs their car faster than he should and I had heard it from my house. I picked her up and took her to my family hoping they would say it wasn’t her body but it was. The guilt has been eating me up, if I hadn’t been so confident she’d stay, if I’d just not taken her out, if I’d tried harder to get to her in time, if I’d just gone into that part of the neighborhood I’d neglected she might have come to me. I want to cry, I want to scream and hate myself but I’m also just so numb. If this helps anyone cope than I’ll be happy 😞 please rest in love my Sophie birdie.

  • I killed my beloved pup by putting Bravecto anti flea and tick drops on him. He died not even after 3 days. I never even do treatments each year but had to go in the countryside so thought it was useful. It was the first time I used that medicine (drops) and I usually research a lot before giving anything to my dog. I hadnt this time. He died!! He even rebelled when I put it on him!! I learned that they initiated a class action in US and Canada against the company coz many dogs died or has major secondary effects and FDA keeps adding secondary effects. The guilt of having killed my dog who trusted me. The bundle of love he was just breaks my heart in tiny pieces. Not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.

  • Two people are responsible for my cat’s death, the veterinarian and as a result of her incompetence subsequently myself. My 15 year old cat, my best friend, my child even, was fairly healthy, being treated for hyperthyroidism. She saw the vet every year. Her visit last November left me feeling good as long as her hyperthyroidism was under control. I saw her slowing down in the last 6 months. Her hair was turning grayer, she didn’t play as much, she was very needy of my love and attention. I chalked it up to age. There was nothing alarming although I noticed she was getting a little stiff in her legs and figured it was arthritis. I intended to take her to the vet “soon” regarding the legs and for thyroid re-check since her appetite was increasing. The day before she died she was very active and verbal, wanting even more affection than usual. It wasn’t alarming but she was definitely more active than usual. I chose to sleep with her that night instead of my boyfriend. At 6 am she woke me up vomiting. It wasn’t a far fetched thing as she would vomit hairballs a few times a week but there was no hair. After I cleaned it she was dry heaving again, then began to stagger and breathe very rapidly. I was alarmed and told my boyfriend something is wrong. I never saw her with that ununsteadiness, rapid breathing, or weakness. She laid down but refused to get up and appeared suddenly lethargic. I called my vet to see if they could see her and they said yes. I loaded her in the carrier and had to drop her off. I was not allowed to go inside due to Covid. The woman told me to call by 1pm if I had not heard from them. I hated to leave her in such an anxiety provoking situation but this was abnormal for her so I drove away and felt confident I’d have an answer at 1. I did not hear from them, I called, blood was drawn but was not reviewed yet and the doctor did not examine her yet. I was a bit annoyed about it because I felt like this was quite pressing, but maybe she improved? Or perhaps they knew something i didn’t, so I continued waiting. I finally got a call back after 3 from the vet. She explained my Buttercup had new onset diabetes with a sugar of 330 and hypertension. I was a bit surprised and felt sorry for her but confident this could be treated and she would feel better. The vet recommended she stay overnight to be monitored after receiving insulin with the hope that would improve her unsteadiness. I explained that she is a nervous cat and had concerns about putting that added stress on her. I told her I can easily observe her for improvement. She said I would have to administer insulin and hypertension meds daily. This was no issue for me. I asked if I could pick her up right before closing (totally assuming they would treat the sugar and hypertension with the extra time while having some time to observe). This didn’t happen. When I picked her up at 530 and asked if the meds were given I was told no. I found this quite concerning as her glucose level and hypertension were the 2 most pressing issues that we were aware of. Instead she was given .3L of fluid right before leaving and an antiemetic even though she had not vomited since morning. I didn’t understand the rationale. They gave me the medications and we went home. She had her usual awareness, a few meows in protest of the day. We arrived home and she ate and drank. I administered her 1 unit of Insulin and gave the first dose of Enalipril. I noticed there was still some unsteadiness in her back legs, but she walked up the stairs herself and lay down in her bed. She had a long day and I felt she probably needed rest. I observed her for 35 minutes to be sure she was tolerating the new meds, and I went for a walk to the lake to allow her some rest. I took a couple of pics of her which is not unusual as I have over 1,000! I was at the lake for about 35 min. When I walked in the door I found it odd that my other cat was sitting up at the edge of the couch nearest the door as though he’d been waiting. I called out for buttercup and did not spot her where I left her, when I looked over at Mr.Bing, his eyes moved to the floor behind him and it frightened me. Low and behold, there she was. Collapsed, hyperventilating, tongue hanging out of her mouth, but with eyes open. I immediately picked her up. She was very warm which led me to believe this didn’t just happen. I ran in front of the AC to cool her down but realized I’d rather lay her down and look her over. On my way to the bedroom I felt her go limp. I quickly laid her on the bed and realized she wasn’t breathing. I checked her pulse and there was nothing. I ran to the kitchen got maple syrup, rubbed it all over her gums and immediately started cpr right after. I thought if this was hypoglycemia the sugar would help. For rescue breaths I put her nose and mouth inside of my mouth and noted good chest rise. I did fast chest compressions but retrospectively I should’ve done them faster since a cat’s resting heart rate is faster than a humans. The next 3 hours are jumbled bits of hysteria, trauma, tears, and aggressive attempt to save my baby, who I thought was in fairly good health for a senior cat. There was nothing to lead me to believe that she had any serious underlying disease. Given that I could hear the fluid in her lungs, I surmised she was in congestive heart failure since the vet gave her aggressive fluids WITHOUT treating her hypertension at the office. It was not until I requested her records after the fact that I realized she had severe hypertension that day. Fluids were the last thing she needed. So given that I believed the arrest was the result of these fluids and the stress surrounding the day, I continued aggressive cpr. I noticed if I stopped, she would go limp, and was not breathing on her own or with a pulse. She seemed to have some level of “coming to” when I would resume cpr. She soiled herself at the onset and at one point I put my finger in her throat to check for foreign body and she subsequently bit down quite hard. We were surrounded in blood, tears, urine, feces, and saliva. A good amount of fluids came up with rescue breaths. During the ordeal I made several phone calls. I asked my vet if someone would come to the home to assist me. She said not with Covid. She gave me the number of a hospital 90 mins away. I couldn’t drive. I was alone, doing active cpr. I phoned another hospital 25 mins away, they could see her, but again, my hands were tied trying to save her. After an hour 45 mins, she regained spontaneous circulation but was not breathing well. I continued with rescue breathing. After some moments she appeared more lucid. I was begging her not to leave me, mind you, and when I saw she was lucid I sung her favorite song to her. She then began to have spasms of her extremities. Not long after she appeared to regain respiratory function, retrospectively I do not believe the respirations were adequate given her outcome but at the time I saw the chest rise and was hopeful. She blinked at me for the last time. Her eyes were fixed open, her jaw clenched, front limbs fixed straight, back limbs “running” movement. I realized she was having a neurological event. I never saw seizure activity in an animal before. I grew more concerned and wondered now if I did more harm than good. I did not know what to do with her in this condition. I knew this was a very bad sign. I was crying, exhausted, my adrenaline teetering. I decided to observe her and after 30 minutes of activity I realized the hope I had in resuscitation was followed now with despair. I brought her back for her to suffer. I felt awful. I decided to lie in bed and put her on my chest and comfort her as best I could until she passed. When I moved her onto my chest she started having violent spasms and flung herself off of me. Her pupils were completely dilated, muscles twitching, then she appeared contracted and unbeknownst to me at the time was entering a much more violent seizure. She looked like she had rabies. The involuntary movements were violent, she vocalized in a way ive never heard that sounded like complete pain. I knew she was experiencing something very painful and neurological. I think the parasympathetic nervous system was going haywire. Then she began to growl and puff out and “fight” the bed. This was nearing hour 3. I became frightened for myself and felt agony for her suffering. I wanted to end her suffering. I couldn’t bear to witness this. It was all so unexpected. In that moment I made a decision I thought was best for her. I had to kill my cat. I almost signed myself in to a psychiatric facility that first week. I sent her for necropsy because I needed answers. Her head was not available as I had her tested for rabies. It seemed far fetch but a skunk was living under my home at the time. I was so traumatized I was thinking it could be anything. The necrposy showed severe heart disease and thyroid hyperplasia and adenomas, moderate kidney disease, vascular changes and lung damage consistent with hypertension. Upon review of my vet visit from last year I realized that the findings the doctor reported to me did not match what she told me. She said the urine was normal yet it showed blood and protein. She said she was probably starting to have some kidney failure but that was because of her increasing thyroid level, so we increased the meds. She heart a 1/6 heart murmur but said that’s not unusual for her with the hyperthyroidism. I never left that visit thinking any real serious organ damage was happening, nor was I told to look for “warning signs” of anything at all. I saw improvement on the increased dose. In her notes she wrote will start pt on Enalipril in the “near future”. This never happened nor do I recall any discussion of hypertension.

    The bottom line is that my vet missed these disease processes that there was evidence for. She failed to alert me to any seriousness of condition. I simply believed if she was on the right dose of her medicine, that she would be ok.

    Had the vet seen her in a timely manner that day, she could’ve gotten the hypertension under control. Instead she was pumped with fluids with subsequent chf and arrest. I understand I would not have had much time with her, had the fluids not been given, but AT LEAST me and Buttercup would’ve been spared the trauma. Had she been a good vet, more emphasis would’ve been put on potential disease processes and what I should look for. My cat suffered unnecessarily for quite sometime. This vet missed red flags during routine care as well as on the last day.

    I am devastated. I cannot describe the horror of what I’m feeling. I’m finding it increasingly difficult to live with my final decision. I wish I could get justice for Buttercup and for myself. None of it would have happened if the vet was not so complacent and careless.

    I cry every day, a deep guttural, painful cry. I’m wracked with guilt and regret and anger. I felt I was forced into a position to have to kill the thing I loved the most in the world and my mind has yet to figure a way to live with it and my fear is that I cannot.

    I love you baby girl.

  • I’ve read these post and I can tell you all genuinely LOVED your pets. I believe I am the worst of all of these. I brought my daughter Guineapig. She needed an companion that she could cuddle alot. We moved away from the city over a yr ago but due to the pandemic my daughter and I havent made and connections. She needed something to love. So we got the pig in july I got a cage and food and water…I taught my kid how to handle it so I didnt have to be bothered. After I basically prepared her casket. I stupidly placed her on the LIVING ROOM floor. There had to be drafts coming from every where! Tr he vents, windows, a/c, door…if only I read the damn pamphlet! It would have took like 3 mins. Or watched 1 you tune video I could have made simple adjustments to spare her life or extend it.Poor baby.😞
    The worst part ..yes there is a worse part. My poor 7yr old daughter found her best friend dead. We all really just got use to “Gwen” and she seemed to like us. Seeming eager for playtime or maybe she was trying to get away from this crazy women who was mistreating her.
    I gave my daughter a friend and took her away in ONLY 2 months. Gwen was depending on me to care for her looking back maybe she was tryna tell me something maybe if I had of took a small amount of time to make sure she had what she needed she could be here eating hay living life. Instead of dying cold and alone. And I completely scared my kid ! Life is very busy but when I think about the time I could have taken to ensure her safely. I feel like an idiot for not doing it. Life us precious no matter how small..if I could go back just a few days I would appreciate gwen a lil more and give her what she needed.

  • I feel so sick with grief and that it’s my fault my cat died. She was such a good cat and there’s an empty space in my heart without her. We went away on 4night break and on the day we were due to return, we got a phone call that our cat Bella had got wedged in our tilt and turn window and was dead upon the cat sitters visit at around mid-day that day. I had said before we went away to leave the bathroom window tilted open because I had observed our other cat Cleo so artfully scramble her way up the window on many occasions to let herself in. And she is more of a house cat. She’s always crazing to come indoors after short spells outside. Due to this I felt it best we left it open to avoid her being stuck outside without the option to let herself in. Our other cat (the one whose died) is more of an outdoor cat and very self reliant with a strong hunter instinct. I’d worry less about her cos she always kept herself to herself and was a very low maintenance. She preferred to be left to her own devices and not a lot of fussing. But bless her heart she was such a good cat, always letting Cleo eat before her and so patient and would do all her business outside and never craze for anything. But by requesting the window be left open I put the cats in harms way as I hadn’t realized the danger of one of them getting trapped in there and it being life threatening. But as I said, Cleo had always managed it and as for Bella – she would always wait to be let in or out as she was always so patient. But I feel terrible because I know how much she likes to get outside and I suppose with her being let indoors overnight by the sitter and also she may have been wanting to get out to do her business or go on the prowl and with no one present to let her get out she attempted to go out by herself and got trapped, leading to her death. And I was so dumb to think I could even leave it open as an access point because it’s such a narrow gap to squeeze through. I should have insisted they remain closed and they’d have to be out or in regardless of whether it was against their intentions. But I had tried to take measures to ensure they we well cared for – even asking the neighbour to keep an eye out for whether they wanted letting in or out and giving her a key. But our sitter was round for a few hours at time that the neighbour felt they were being well cared for and it seems she didn’t check in with them too much. But I don’t blame her neither, since it’s COVID and I think she was also wary of going in at times when our sitter was already intending to. But I on the other hand should have known that it wasn’t safe to leave that window open. And I overlooked the threat that it could pose. My mind was distracted and I just feel I could have made contact with the neighbour more and asked about them while we were away. And it just feels it could so easily have been avoided. Even if I had made it clearer when I wanted them going in, as like I said I know Bella loves the out doors and I shouldn’t have underestimated her desire to get out. But also, the sitter said she was still warm when they found her so it was likely that morning and not during the night. And I could have asked that the neighbour go in morning and night just to double check they weren’t wanted to be in or out. It’s just so sad and I hate to think how long she was in there stuck and struggling and suffering. I will miss her for a long long time and this will be hard for me to live with.

  • My hamster was missing for 24 hours
    Usually when she gets free, she always comes back a few hours later. I left out food and kept checking but it was untouched. I knew something was wrong. I cried a whole roll of toilet paper and asked god to tell me where she is, and my head turned to the right, where the sump pump in the floor is. I looked and saw something in there. I put a on a glove and pulled it out. It was my hamster.
    She always been so sweet and loving to me, she didn’t deserve to die that way. I build her a toilet paper tube tunnel fort and she loved it in there. But one of the tubes came out of a box and that’s how she escaped. If only I had checked to make sure. If only the sump pump had been covered. I feel horrible. If only I had been in the basement, I would have heard her squealing for me to help her. She was the only friend I had left. My cat died a few months ago from kidney failure. I have really bad depression so I’ve told myself I have to stay alive for my cat and my hamster. But then my cat died and now my hamster is gone and it’s my fault for not making sure the fort was secure, the pump was covered, and I wasn’t there to save her.
    She’d get so excited when she’s hear my voice, and she’s lick my finger, I didn’t think hamsters could care about a human so much.
    I’m so sorry bibble. I wish I had saved you. I wish I could go back in time. I’m so sorry you had to go that way. I hope you are my cat are happy in heaven. I miss you 💔

  • My 7 month kitten died because of me. I took him out of his comfort zone. Since last two three days he would stair at the the door, try to go out alone and taking that in mind I thought of taking him outside for 5 mins. We live in an apartment at 14th floor. I knew he was scared of people, elevator but I still tried to take him from the elevator. He ran away and stood in front of the entrance. But I took him back again to the elevator this time he ran so fast and hard he when to the service pipeline area. I didn’t see him so I called out for him, he called out for me and he his voice while calling made me cry and panic. I couldn’t reach out. I couldn’t catch him. K thought of going a floor downstairs but I was afraid if I looked away he might fall. He couldn’t stand on such a narrow space. He looked at me while asking for help I couldn’t reach him, I couldn’t help him. He fell down or he jumped I don’t remember correctly. All I know is he fell down. While I couldn’t do anything. We rushed to the hospitals but they were closed. Talk about timings. Some time later I found out If only I could have went downstairs I could have gotten hold of him. I could have saved him. He could have been saved.
    I shouldn’t have taken him out. I should have put on the belt inside rather than being lazy and thinking of putting it in the elevator.
    I should have just returned home when he stood there at the entrance. He died because of him so fearfully. I remember his voice and face. How he cried for help when I couldn’t do anything. He must be hating me for not helping him. He must be hating me for getting him out of his comfort zone. He must be hating me for giving him such death. I shouldn’t have taken him outside. I didn’t try enough to save him. It wasn’t enough. He died because of me. And I couldn’t save him. I loved him a lot. I want him back. His traces are everywhere,in every corner. He reminds me of his everything. The scene haunts me. It keeps popping up..his voice, his face at the time when he cried for help. He died because of me. I should have just returned home. Because of me…he died. Because I took him out.

  • My axolotl (type of salamander) died earlier today and it was my fault. Last month I was going through a hard time at work and personally and I neglected her care. I eventually noticed that she wasn’t eating and looked sick, the gills around her face were receding. For a few weeks I tried to help her heal. These last couple days I thought she was doing better. The worst part is I didn’t know it was still that serious, I didn’t think she was in danger of dying anymore.
    She had a adorable little perma-smile, as most axolotls do and beautiful red frills.
    Thank you for sharing everyone.

  • My cat died because I was selfish. I adopted my sweet baby boy Cerberus at 3 months old. He passed at 2 and a half because of me.
    I’m a truck driver…a rookie. And I decided to take my cat on the road with me. I knew he hated car rides because he’d cry but I thought having more space and his toys and stuff to remind him from home he’d be okay. It was the first day having him on the road and of course, he was crying, scared. He laid by my feet and i know he shouldn’t have been but he was calming down. He was half under the seat and didnt think anything of it. I had to go to the bathroom really bad. Holding myself. I saw a rest area and quickly parked and got up to get my jacket. That’s when I heard him really cry. Right away I saw him stuck under my seat. I quickly got up and tried pulling him and lifting the seat. I couldn’t see how he was stuck. I tried honking the horn to get another truck drivers attention. Nothing. I ran over there and knocked on his window. He shook his head no at me so i ran back to my baby and tried again. I quickly called 911 and 6 or 7 minutes later highway patrol got there. I was eventually able to see how he was stuck. His head was between two bars. The officer tried pulling the seat.. Nothing. I tried pushing my cats head out but didnt want to hurt him. Eventually another highway patrol officer showed up and they again tried lifting the seat off. Well getting the seat off wasn’t the problem. It was the 2 bars attached to it. So when they tried pulling the seat it suffocated my baby and he didn’t make it. 10 mins or so later they got him free but all i saw was his dead eyes and bloody mouth and claws (he was ripping his nails off trying to free himself). I saw his last minute when he peed and pooped himself. I saw his body go lifeless. This happened on new years Eve. 3 days later im filled with guilt because I could have gotten more help from people at the rest area. I could have tried to push his head out harder. I could have moved his head and neck when I saw lifting the chair was hurting him. I could have not been selfish and just left him home! I could have tried cpr since theres a chance at 15 mins I could have gotten him to breathe again. Highway patrol should have somehow got something to cut through the metal or got someone who could! I should have grabbed him from under my seat before i got up or moved him when i saw him under my seat. All i can think of is i killed my baby. All i can think of is when I was a drunk I was abusive to him. I never done anything to him after getting sober but I still did what i did in the past. I feel so much guilt that i killed him and I’m so so sorry for everything. I’m just really afraid he hates me for the abuse previously. I’m afraid he hates me for not trying harder cause there was so many things I could and should have done. He was my baby. My first pet and to lose him at 2 years old, im heart broken and guilty because I’m at fault.

  • We just lost our 13 year old Yorkie and we thought we would start the new year with a new addition to the family. We brought home a little Angel teacup Yorkie. 1 lbs and 10 oz. We named her Emie. Love at first site. Shortly after she arrived, I came down with Covid. She was by my side the whole time. In seven days she won over my husband, kids and myself. The sweetest little girl. I fed on the counter like I did my other Yorkie. She had done well with this. And it kept my other dogs from getting in her food. I turned to take a bite of my soup and I her a thud. She fell, still don’t know how or why but it broke her neck. This is all my fault. Trying to keep her safe, actually put her in harms way and I have to live with this along with the pain and grief I caused myself and my family. Absolutely heartbroken. Rest In Peace my perfect Angel. I love you so much!

  • I am here because I am struggling deeply with the loss of my kitty, Yuki. A few years ago we had adopted a kitten named Ryuu. We had him for about a year before he became very sick while we were out of town. We came home and found him barely clinging to life. We rushed to the vet but it was too late. His death left a gapping hole in our hearts and it took us 3 years to finally be ready to make room for a new kitty. These last 12 months have brought on so much sadness for our family. We lost a friend to suicide, we lost family to COVID, we watched a neighbor’s house burn down with all of their fur babies inside. After dealing with so much sadness and heartache, we decided it was time for some light and went on the hunt for a new kitty. I spent months searching for the one that felt like ours and finally found him right before Christmas. We made a 7 hour round trip drive to pick him up. He was perfect! Truly the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on. A tiny white ball of fluff, 2 different colored eyes and the most perfect heart shaped pink nose I’ve ever seen. I can’t tell you how many times a day I’d pick him up and kiss him repeatedly. He was irresistible… my own tiny slice of heaven on earth. We do have two dogs and another cat. The integration went well. Within a week, our older cat was taking naps and snuggling with our new baby. Our older dog, didn’t pay him any attention at all and our younger dog was curious and only wanted to play. Unfortunately, I misjudge how well integration was going, and 72 hours ago, our little kitty wandered to close while our older dog was eating and he snapped. I won’t go into details, but it was very traumatic, a moment in time that will likely haunt me for the rest of time. How could I put my sweet baby in harms way!? Why did I even adopt him in the first place? Surely he’d still be alive if I hadn’t. How will I ever be able to forgive myself? How will I ever be able to forgive my dog? These are all questions I’ve asked myself a thousand times in the days since. The anger, guilt and sadness feels like it will consume me at times. I wake up and go to bed crying. Life can be cruel. I don’t understand it at times. I know that my grief and pain is causing my husband and children more pain than they’re already experiencing so I know that I need to find a path forward bc I don’t want that for them. It’s just so hard. I can’t stop thinking about my sweet boy, dreaming that I could once again stuff my face into his fluffy fur and for one moment in the day all of my troubles would disappear. Dreaming that this never happened and that we’d still be together in 15-20 years. Dreaming that his little life wasn’t cut so incredibly short by my carelessness. I know it’s unhealthy and that blaming myself isn’t going to move me forward in my grief but it doesn’t feel fair for me to forgive myself and move on. I’m going to start by sharing my story so others do not make the same mistakes I did. Maybe I can save another kitty out there somewhere in Yuki’s name. So if you have dogs, even if they have lived with other pets, please keep your new pet separated at all times during feedings. All it takes is one instance where things can go tragically wrong! I’m truly sorry for those of you who are experiencing the same level of grief, blame, anger, guilt and sadness that I am. This might be the single worse thing I’ve gone through in life. All we can do is try to educate others so that they don’t make the same mistakes in an effort to do something positive in our pet’s honor. My heart is with all of you. One day at a time. Be kind to yourselves.

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